Category: Homemaking

I’ve been musing on the subject of hospitality a lot lately. Whether I have guests in my own home, or I am a guest in someone else’s home, it’s interesting to think about the different ways in which each family welcomes others.

In the first part of this series, we discussed the importance of hospitality in affirming the personhood and worth of others. Then we enumerated the different elements of hospitality, both physical and intangible. This time, I would like to focus on the spirit of the host or hostess, and what it really means to welcome someone into your home.

Today is the feast day of St. Martha. She is the patroness of servants and cooks. I think of her as one of the unofficial patronesses of homemakers, too. She who had the care of her household and received the most important Guest into her home on earth is surely looking down from heaven and smiling on our small efforts in our own homes!

Opening our homes and our hearts

The first step in hospitality is inviting someone to your house… or is it? I think the first step is really opening your heart to love others. Love allows us to see clearly, instead of being blinded by our own selfishness or just distracted and immersed in our own affairs.

With clear sight focused on others, we can now see their needs, not just our own. We can see how others are hurting, lonely, tired, or just in need of a smile and a friendly word. The vantage point of love shows us opportunities to practice hospitality and welcome others into our homes and our hearts.

But how exactly do we start practicing hospitality and welcoming people into our homes? Some people seem to be naturally hospitable and friendly, while others have trouble remembering to lift their eyes out of their own little circle of family and friends.

Those of us who are more reserved in general may find it difficult to even speak to a stranger or new acquaintance. Others may shy away from opening their homes, thinking that they don’t have the resources for entertaining guests.

Remember, hospitality doesn’t require a big house. It merely requires a big heart. If we ask for the grace to welcome others in love, we will begin to see that people feel welcome when we make space for them. Physical space, to be sure; but most importantly, space in our hearts.

It doesn’t matter if your furniture is shabby and doesn’t match. It doesn’t matter if someone has to sit on a bed or the floor because there aren’t enough chairs. What matters is offering what you have with love.

Martha and Mary

When we hear the story of Martha and Mary in the Gospels, it might seem like the message is simple: be like Mary, not like Martha. But that’s not really the point of the story. Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to Him when Martha, “burdened with much serving,” came to fetch her sister to help. The Lord rebuked Martha for getting anxious and distracted by less important things while she was in the presence of the One Who is more important than anything else. “Only one thing is necessary,” He told her.

That sounds like a pretty big “Oops” moment for Martha. But it’s not the end of the story about Martha and Mary. Later, we hear about the family at a time of devastation and loss when Lazarus had just died.

Martha was again serving a house full of people who had come to mourn. This time, when she learned that Jesus was arriving, she left her serving and went to meet Him. She had learned what one thing is necessary, and had come to believe in the words of Jesus. She confessed her belief in Him as the Son of God.

Serving with Martha, Welcoming with Mary

What does Martha’s story mean to us? St. Augustine says, “Our Lord’s words teach us that though we labor among the many distractions of the world, we should have but one goal.”

It is not wrong to live in the world, have a family, and serve others. Everyone is not obliged to become priests or nuns, dedicating every aspect of their lives to God. But each of us should be able to say: “Only one thing is necessary.”

We should not be so distracted and anxious about worldly affairs that we forget about God. Rather, the right worship of God should be the focus of our lives, and all else should spring from it.

True hospitality has its roots in love of God and love of neighbor. When we are in a right relationship with God–the state of grace–we treat everyone we meet with the same reverence and respect we would show to our Lord.

Dorothy Day has some convicting thoughts on our response to others:

If everyone were holy and handsome, it would be easy to see Christ in everyone. But it was not Christ’s way for himself. Ask honestly what you would do if a beggar asked at your house for food.

Would you give it on an old cracked plate, thinking that was good enough? Do you think that Martha and Mary thought that the old and chipped dish was good enough for their guest?

It is not a duty to help Christ — it is a privilege.

Dorothy Day

The gift of presence

If you were to treat everyone you meet as if he was Christ, what would that look like? After offering what you have unstintingly, I think the next most important element is being fully present with the other person.

These days, it seems like people are going in different directions constantly, always rushing from one thing to the next, and multitasking like it’s a virtue. (It’s not.)

When was the last time you slowed down enough to have a deep conversation with someone? One where you looked straight at the other person, and really listened to him, without even glancing at your phone or any kind of screen?

It can be hard to do this with your spouse or family members, let alone a stranger. That’s a tragedy.

Why? As we discussed earlier, hospitality affirms another person in his or her personhood: his very self. It looks at the other person and says, “You are worthy of my time, attention, and care. Come, enter into my home and my life, and refresh your body and spirit.”

That’s a powerful statement. It makes people feel truly loved and valued. Think what a difference it could make in someone’s life. Your child. Your mother or father. Your next-door neighbor.

Think what life would be without welcoming, affirming, loving interactions. It’s not hard to see why there are so many broken, hurting people in the world.

Entertaining Angels

You can make a difference by being present with people. When your child runs up to you wanting to show you something he found, put your phone away and listen to him.

When you pass by someone on the street or in the grocery store, look him in the eye and smile. When you are serving a house full of people, a cheerful face and attentive care are more important than making sure the meal is perfect and the house spotless.

(That’s not to say there’s no value in cooking or cleanliness! These things are good, but they should spring from love, and not be pursued for their own sakes. That is the meaning of the words, “Only one thing is necessary.”)

The transforming power of hospitality

Hospitality requires us to think about what’s really most important, and make sure our lives reflect that. It challenges us to open our hearts to others around us, whether they are in our families or somewhere outside our doors. It shifts our focus outside of ourselves to another person so much that we overlook both our strengths and our imperfections: in a word, it makes us humble.

Sometimes it’s the guest that changes us. We might initially be focused on making sure a dinner party is going according to plan, but then somehow find ourselves drawn into the conversation and the camaraderie, and forget all the little external things in the joy of fellowship. Then our priorities are reordered, and we can begin again with love at the center.

Perhaps you might be a guest in someone else’s home, and feel the warmth of hospitality as the hostess bustles you into into the house and sees to it that you’re warmed and dried and fed, all while she is caring for her own flock. You feel the motherly care and concern she shows for you and her own family. This love shines brighter than elegant furnishings or a gourmet meal ever could.

Hospitality and Humility

Humility is simply recognizing your place in the world, and in the light of eternity. It is standing with our feet firmly planted on the ground, aware of our weaknesses and faults, but looking heavenward in hope, knowing in Whose Image we were created, and for what purpose.

Lastly, humility is standing with your arms open to receive others: as good but flawed human beings, who are worthy of love and respect, and themselves stand in need of our hospitality.

May we let true hospitality transform our hearts so that they are no longer burdened with much serving, but overflowing with loving concern for others.

~Kimberly

P.S. – missed the first part in this series? Read it here. Or learn more about intentional homemaking!

Do you find yourself stuck in a rut, just trying to get through the day and finish everything that needs to be done? Do you feel like you can’t accomplish anything? Maybe you start one task, then go on to another without finishing the first. Wouldn’t it be great if there was a flip you could switch on your brain to throw it into Productive Mode?

Well, there’s no magical switch that I know of, but there is something you can do to boost your productivity and give you more focus, even when you spend all day at home. 

It’s very simple, and only takes a few minutes in the morning. But it makes a huge impact on your mindset and productivity throughout the day. I know it helps keep me focused and moving forward, even on mornings when I would rather still be in bed. What is this one thing every successful homemaker or work-from-home-er does every morning?

Dress intentionally for your day

If someone showed up to an interview wearing pajamas or yoga pants, would you take her seriously? Would you think she looks like a responsible, hardworking employee who will be an asset to your company? 

Not likely. You would probably think that someone who cares so little about her appearance isn’t likely to care about her job.

And you would be right. Our attire reflects our level of respect for an occasion, person, or occupation. That’s why we dress a little nicer for church, parties, date night, or important meetings.

Professionals often wear suits or uniforms to work every day, because their jobs are worthy of respect. But do you ever stop to think about how you dress for everyday? 

Maybe you think it doesn’t matter, since you work at home where no one will see you except your family members. Wait just a minute! Aren’t your family members the most important people in your life? If I respect and love my family, I want to give them my best. Part of that is dressing like a lady. 

Moreover, dressing intentionally for your job makes you take it seriously. Homemaking is an important job, and it deserves your respect.

Attire affects your actions

Did you know that the clothes you wear actually impact your attitude and thinking ability? If productivity is your goal, regardless of your occupation, dressing with intention can help. Several studies have shown that dressing in a professional manner (instead of casual clothing or loungewear) can increase abstract thinking and negotiation skills. 

How do you apply that to homemaking, exactly? I’m not going to wear a blazer or a white blouse to hang laundry and change diapers any time soon!  But I have noticed that I do feel much better on the days when I wear a dress, compared to the days when I’m still in my exercise clothes at noon.

It’s hard to take yourself seriously when you’re wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants. So put some thought into your attire, and find an outfit that’s suited to your job but also makes you feel put together and ready for your day.

You will feel better about yourself and your role, and you will begin to be more productive as well!

How do you dress intentionally for homemaking?

Let’s be clear: I’m not recommending that you should start wearing a suit or a uniform every day. That would not be suited to your role in the home. 

I aim for outfits that are both pretty and practical. That way, I can treat myself and my job with respect. 

I feel best when I’m wearing a dress. That doesn’t happen often right now, since I have a baby and most of my dresses aren’t nursing-friendly. However, a pretty skirt and blouse or even a well-fitting top and jeans can be good substitutes.

There is no specific uniform for homemakers (thank goodness!), but dressing tastefully and neatly is always attractive.

Love those aprons!

If you’re still skeptical about wearing nice clothes for housework, let me introduce you to aprons. These are some of my favorite items of clothing, and for good reason! Aprons allow me to wear pretty clothes all day long without getting them dirty (unless your baby has a talent for wiping his grubby hands on the places an apron doesn’t cover!). 

If you get one with fun prints or trims, it can also add a pretty touch to a plain outfit. When I wear a dress and an apron all day, I feel like an old-fashioned housewife. That might not be appealing to everyone, but you can still rock an apron and jeans! I’ve done that too.

I have four or five aprons right now, all in different styles, colors, and prints. I can match them to my outfit, mood, or task. When I don an apron, that means business. It helps me to get in the mode of working steadily through my to-do list, despite any hindrances that may arise.

Of course, your attire should be suited to the tasks you need to accomplish each day. There will probably be days when it’s completely reasonable to wear old clothes for particularly messy tasks. But those exceptions don’t change the standard of neat, careful dressing which is so important to your mindset and mood.

Why does dressing like a lady make you more productive? 

You don’t need to get dressed up in heels and pearls to do the cooking and cleaning, but wearing attractive, well-fitting clothes will help you to feel more poised and confident in your role as a homemaker.

As I mentioned above, there have been a number of interesting studies about people’s responses to clothing (their own or that of others). Even if you don’t think your clothes are particularly important, there is apparently some sort of inner mechanism that pays close attention to a person’s attire. 

You may have heard the old saying, “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” This doesn’t mean that you should wear something unsuitable for your present position; rather, it means that scaling up your dress code just a notch can boost your confidence.

I’ve heard numerous women say that they are treated better when they wear a dress. I myself have experienced this on several occasions, but more important to me is the way wearing a dress makes me feel. 

It doesn’t have to be a fancy dress for date night: even a casual dress or a coordinating skirt and blouse makes me feel more positive and confident. I tend to smile more, stand straighter, and look about me more often. I also have an easier time focusing and organizing my tasks.

Of course there are still the usual distractions and annoyances, no matter what you choose to wear, but dressing like a lady somehow prompts me to act like a lady and sail through them serenely.

Bonus Points: Hair and Makeup

Speaking of dressing like a lady, it doesn’t stop with clothing. A lady’s appearance is neat and clean: well-kept is a fitting description. If you wouldn’t go out without curling your hair (or at least brushing it!) and a swipe of lipstick, try to keep that ladylike appearance at home. 

I’m not saying you should dress up on sick days or a lazy vacation weekend, but at least on your work days when you have homemaking tasks to accomplish.

This is a hard one for me, but I do feel better if my hair isn’t tumbling out of a messy bun all day long! Taking a few extra minutes to fix my hair neatly in the morning really makes me feel put together and ready for the day.

And that’s the goal, isn’t it? We would all like to feel confident and ready to handle whatever life throws at us each day.

Last but not least, smile!

There’s no doubt that the type of clothing you wear impacts your productivity and confidence. But there’s something even more important than clothes could ever be: your attitude. 

If you’re sullen and grumpy all day, no apron is going to change that. Not even a tailored suit would! 

A cheerful countenance and positive attitude, on the other hand, starts you out on the right foot and sets you up for a more pleasant day. It sets off a chain of positive interactions with others around you, which in turn helps you to stay positive!

Now, most of us have days occasionally when we just wish we could stay in bed and not have to face the world. (Well, I have those days, anyway.) When I’m feeling grouchy and everything seems dark, it’s even more important for me to take a few minutes by myself to get ready for the day. Then I can freshen up my attitude at the same time.

So the secret to success as a homemaker is to start with a positive attitude and then dress like a lady. Make this a habit, and you will become more poised and purposeful in your home.

Happy homemaking!

~Kimberly