Category: Homemaking

We’ve probably all heard the adage, “Home is a school for virtue.” Usually, that is said with children in mind: home is where they learn the rudiments of virtue and moral values (known as good behavior at that age). However, children are not the only people who spend most of their time at home.

Homemakers have the task of creating homes for their families. Those who are mothers also have charge of instructing their offspring and setting an example of virtue. Every homemaker, regardless of whether or not she has young children at home, can learn something from the “school of virtue” that is the home. Indeed, there are several specific virtues that are particularly suited to a homemaker’s role, and which can be cultivated through the everyday duties of homemaking.

The Fruits of the Spirit

There are so many different virtues we could talk about when it comes to homemaking! Hospitality is a great one, for instance. Gratitude is another indispensable virtue for homemakers. Then there’s patience, kindness, humility, beneficence… Where to start? Let’s begin with the Fruits of the Spirit.

St. Paul describes the characteristics of a person who is filled with grace and living in accord with God’s will. These characteristics are known as the Fruits of the Spirit, and there are traditionally twelve: charity, joy, peace, patience, benignity, goodness, long-suffering, mildness, modesty, faith, continency, and chastity. Sometimes we come across a shorter list of eight: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and faithfulness.

These features of holiness may be evident in any man or woman who is striving to follow God’s Will, but that doesn’t mean they just happen. Surely not! They might seem effortless for some people, but all virtues must be practiced, or they’re not virtues at all.

Charity

“Charity begins at home.” Mother Teresa knew well that virtues must begin in the most common, intimate sphere of life: home and family. This is the necessary foundation even for heroic virtues of bravery or sacrificial love. Those don’t just appear out of thin air in times of trial; they must be nurtured in the mundane tasks and small choices we make every day.

Homemakers can cultivate charity by embracing their role in the home and family. It is easy to tell the difference between someone who is not thrilled about being “stuck at home” with the cooking and cleaning and kids, and someone who pours her heart and soul into being a homemaker. Even if it wasn’t her first choice.

That point is especially important, because the choice to love our families is a decision that has to be made again and again, every single day (and sometimes many times in a single day!). That means there is always a new opportunity to begin again, to say “I’m sorry,” and try harder.

How can we grow in charity at home? “Love is patient… love is kind. It is not jealous or boastful. It does not insist on its own way. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” (CF 1 Cor 13). Our homes and families are the perfect place to practice this foundational virtue, because that is the place we tend to relax and let our guard down. We are familiar and comfortable with our family members; we know them, and they know us.

Because of this, family relationships can get strained very easily. Our brothers and sisters, parents and children can hurt us more easily than casual friends or coworkers can, simply because we have a more intimate relationship with them. Charity sets matters right again, when people get upset. Charity smooths an angry countenance, and clears away the gloom of self-centered grumpiness.

A homemaker who wants to practice charity can find myriads of opportunities in her daily life. She can infuse love into all of her tasks: intentionally washing the dishes and hanging the laundry out of love for the people who dirtied the dishes and stained the clothes. She can make every chore into a prayer, and strive to serve her family as the Blessed Mother served her husband and Son during those many quiet years at home.

Joy

Joy is not just a feeling, although it is usually portrayed that way. The virtue of joy is more like a holy cheerfulness than exuberant emotions. It takes “willpower”–a conscious decision to be cheerful, even when we don’t feel like it. Joy can and does become a habit in people who practice it regularly, and joy is a characteristic trait of many great saints.

This virtue is important for homemakers to cultivate because the wife and mother usually sets the tone for the entire household, even if she doesn’t realize it. Her attitude impacts the rest of her family, either positively or negatively. By choosing to be joyful, homemakers fill their homes with sunshine. If a simple smile bestowed on a stranger can go a long way toward brightening his day, then think what an impact practicing conscious cheerfulness every day can have on your family!

How exactly can a homemaker be more joyful? This might seem more mysterious to some people than others, depending upon temperament. I tend to be more melancholic, so this is one area I need to constantly watch over! But even for those of us who are not naturally sanguine, there are simple, practical ways to gradually become more joyful.

One little way is to accept the day’s weather with a grateful heart: whether it’s raining or shining, you can choose to cheerfully accept whatever the day brings instead of complaining that your plans were ruined. Another little way to practice joy is stopping to appreciate simple things: the way the sun shines in your window, the delicate fragrance of a flower or the freshness after rain, the delighted smile that lights up a child’s face.

As you can see from these examples, joy springs from gratitude. On days when you feel anything but joyful, sometimes the most helpful thing is to take a break from whatever you’re doing, stop thinking negative thoughts, and start counting your blessings. I don’t know of any more effective way to break a grumpy mood and start fresh with a smile–and most likely with tears in my eyes.

Peace

Like joy, peace is often thought to be something that just happens to you. But any mother can tell you that when you live with small children, peace is rarely spontaneous. You have to make it happen. Peace is not just an absence of strife; it is something positive, not negative. Peace is a state of rest, acceptance, and trust. It comes through surrender of one’s own will to the will of God.

Peaceful people accept everything, both good and bad, as ultimately coming from God and allowed by His Providence. They are not anxious and worried about many things, as they trust that “all things work together for good, for those who love God” (Romans 8:28).

This does not mean that peaceful people are passive all the time, or that they are lazy and don’t try to better themselves or improve their situations. By no means! Peace is an interior disposition, which can be practiced even when exterior circumstances are tumultuous and call for decisive action.

Practicing peace is like cleaning the windshield of your car: it clears away the clutter of worldly anxieties and cares so that you can see where you’re going. Just as it’s even more important to have a clean windshield when the weather is bad than when it is bright and sunny, so it is even more important to practice interior peace when life seems to be falling to pieces, than when everything is going swimmingly.

Homemakers can practice peace through daily prayer and meditation, submitting their cares, anxieties, and desires to God’s will. They can act with a peaceful spirit by speaking calmly instead of letting their voices escalate in moments of exasperation. If there is anything in your life that causes you anxiety, consider whether or not you can remove it or turn it off. Perhaps watching or listening to the news makes you stressed. Reading the newspaper or getting your news from one veritable source (as opposed to anything and everything in the media) might be a good alternative.

If social media eats away at your peace of mind, it is wise to limit the time you spend on those platforms–or leave them altogether. Whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, or admirable, think on these things (CF Philippians 4:8). These are the things that will set your heart and mind at peace, when you are rocking on a turbulent sea of emotions and worries.

Kindness

Kindness is not a popular virtue at this point in time. Relativistic “tolerance” takes its place on the list of approved social virtues. But tolerance is very far from kindness. It says, “You can say or do anything you like, as long as you don’t try to impose restraints of any kind on anybody.” It is supposed to do away with judgment, but in reality, it harshly judges those who are supposedly “intolerant” of popular practices or beliefs.

Kindness, on the other hand, has nothing to do with judgment. It is simply reaching out to another person with love. Therese of Lisieux said that doing little things with great love is like an escalator to heaven. Why? Acts of kindness keep you focused on the other person and his needs, rather than what you think about his moral choices or social status. Kindness is a concrete way of putting charity into action. By practicing little acts of kindness regularly, you will start to focus less on yourself and more on others.

Many people strive to become less selfish as they seek to live a good and virtuous life. That is a very difficult thing to do! It seems that the harder you try, the more you see your own selfishness. St. Therese compared kindness to a spiritual escalator because it’s an unconscious dying to self: by practicing kindness, you’re not thinking about yourself at all. You don’t notice yourself becoming less selfish, but selfish habits melt away as you start to focus more and more on others.

One of the biggest excuses people have for lack of kindness is being “too busy.” We have all been unkind at one point or another: whether it was driving past a beggar on the corner because you didn’t want to be late for your meeting, failing to notice the cashier at the grocery store because you were too absorbed in what you needed to do next, or brushing your child away when he asked for a story because you were in the middle of some urgent task.

Finding the time to be kind needs to become a habit in order to really be effective. Some people keep a string of beads in their pocket as a reminder: whenever you do an act of kindness, slide one bead to the other end of the string. The point isn’t so much using up all of the kindness beads every day, as making kindness a habit.

As homemakers, so much of what we do every day seems small and insignificant. Yet, how often do we stop to think about incorporating kindness into our interactions with family members and others? Kindness doesn’t require great deeds. It can be as simple as taking a few extra minutes to pack your husband’s lunch before he heads to work, or stopping to compliment your neighbor on his flower beds. Even the smallest acts of kindness are precious in the eyes of our Maker.

Gentleness

In a world where women are told to be strong and assertive, a gentle wife and mother is a quiet reminder of what womanhood is designed to be. A gentle woman is strong in her own way, which is different from the strength of a man. “Strength and dignity are her clothing” speaks of the virtues of gentleness and modesty. According to the Biblical author, these virtues are a source of strength and dignity which are particular to women.

Both of them require a kind of reservation: their strength is like the strong walls of a castle, instead of the strength of an army going forth to battle. Both kinds of strength are admirable, but neither can stand alone. The army needs a strong place to retreat and regroup, while the castle needs an army to defend it. The different strengths of men and women are complementary: they support and complete each other.

When men and women recognize this and work together, the result is a relationship of beautiful harmony. If they don’t, relationships often become battlegrounds, where both parties strive after the masculine form of strength, and the feminine element is lost.

It is worth noting that a gentle man is not effeminate. On the contrary, it is the best and most masculine of men who can see the value of gentleness, and balance it with a more overt and active form of strength. Loving husbands and fathers can be extremely gentle and tender with their wives and children. Just so, women can possess a high degree of more “manly” strength only if they are rooted in virtuous femininity. Joan of Arc comes to mind, among other holy women. When women strive for masculine strength without gentleness, it often degenerates into aggressiveness and tyranny because the foundation of virtue is not present.

How can homemakers practice the virtue of gentleness? Gentle words calm discord among family members, where harsh words stir up strife. A gentle touch conveys love and respect, where rough handling would be cold and domineering. Gentle speech reflects a mind and heart which is centered on the higher things, while coarse language reflects base and uncharitable thoughts.

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I think that’s enough for today. Let’s continue with the rest of the virtues next week, shall we? In the meantime, how do you practice these virtues through homemaking? Let me know in the comments!

It’s no secret that homemaking gets a bad rap these days. Even among women who have consciously chosen homemaking and embraced it as a vocation and way of life, there are still plenty of days when it’s hard to remember why exactly we wanted this!

Sure, homemaking has its challenges and frustrations. Everything that’s really worth doing is challenging. That’s how we grow as human persons: by meeting new challenges and finding ways to overcome them. But instead of always focusing on the negatives, did you ever stop to think about homemaking as a privilege?

Homemaking: privation or privilege?

At first glance, it seems silly to refer to homemaking as a privilege. After all, you don’t need to achieve a certain level of wealth or education to become one. You don’t need a high social status–in fact, becoming a homemaker usually lowers your social status! You don’t need to be particularly smart, or strong, or beautiful to qualify for this position. All you need is a husband who supports you.

Why then should we consider homemaking a privilege?

It’s not because, as some might insinuate, homemakers get to sit around and eat bonbons all day while their husbands do all the work. That idea is entirely unfounded. Most homemakers throughout history have not had the luxury of hired cooks and housekeepers, unless they were quite wealthy.

No, most homemakers do their share of work; laziness is not more common among these women than the rest of the population.

Homemaking is a privilege because it makes the woman the queen of her household. It gives her authority over countless decisions that must be made on a daily basis. Further, it provides opportunities for creativity as well as nurturing and caring for others. It allows her to use her womanly gifts and talents directly for the good of her family. In other words, homemaking allows women to express their femininity through their vocations.

The Dignity of the Homemaker’s Role

A century ago, women’s rights advocates saw professional jobs and salaries as desirable privileges, and they fought long and hard to make these available to women as well as men. Perhaps the right question to ask is: why did they see secretaries as more privileged than homemakers?

One common argument was that working outside the home gave women more dignity. If the job in question was a professional one, such as a physician or a college professor, I can understand that there is an inherent dignity in those positions. But I hardly think that working in a factory or as a secretary carries the same dignity.

Indeed, it seems that in abdicating their role in the home for many if not most jobs, women lost dignity. They went from being in charge of the daily life of their households to jobs that barely required them to think for themselves, let alone make decisions and be responsible for other people.

The role of the homemaker carries with it a special womanly dignity. It makes the wife the queen of her little kingdom, her home. It gives her responsibility to care for her family: feeding them, clothing them, keeping the house neat and clean, and making their home a haven. Homemaking allows the husband to exercise chivalry by working to provide for his wife and family. It shows the children how mothers and fathers can maintain a strong and healthy relationship by their mutually supportive roles.

When traditional roles are abandoned

When husband and wife both work outside the home, their roles lose definition and become interchangeable. Man and woman are both performing the role of breadwinner, which can lead to competition in their relationship rather than teamwork.

Meanwhile, who is left to take care of the home and the children? Sometimes the duties are split evenly, but more often, the wife must try to juggle most of the cooking, housekeeping, and raising children along with her career.

This situation is not ideal, for anyone involved. The husband suffers, because home is chaotic instead of restful. The wife suffers, because she is too busy and overextended to do her job well. Most of all, the children suffer. They are passed along from daycare to the school system and after-school activities, summer camps and sports leagues. They are raised by everyone except their parents, who are just not home.

Even loving parents who truly want the best for their kids often don’t see the value of homemaking. They think that, in order to give their children the best life possible, they should both work so that they have more money, and can buy their kids more toys and clothes and college educations.

The Authority of a Homemaker

Another argument of women’s rights advocates was that women had no authority in the home. No doubt, there are some husbands who micromanage their wives and homes, but these are surely the exception rather than the norm. Most husbands would be glad to leave much of the household affairs in the competent hands of their wives. All of the homemakers whom I have had the privilege of knowing appear quite satisfied with the authority they exercise.

How does a homemaker exercise authority, you may ask. In what does it consist?

Part of the homemaker’s role as “queen of the household” involves her authority over all the daily events of her family, both planned and unplanned. As mistress of the house, she is the highest authority while her husband is not present. She oversees projects and repairs within and without the house. She is in charge of household management, and delegates tasks to appropriate helpers. She answers questions and solves problems when they arise. She keeps home life running smoothly.

Authority of a working woman

Compare this to the role of a woman who works outside the home. When she is hired by a company, she becomes a part of its hierarchy. She may be responsible for others, or not. She is certainly held accountable to her supervisor, or manager, or the owner of the company. Even if she rises to the top of the corporate ladder, there are boards of trustees or professional bodies that function as checks and balances to her power.

A married woman in charge of her household enjoys, ideally, equally shared authority with her husband. They work together as co-founders of their household and family. But practically speaking, homemakers make more decisions about the home and family life, simply because they are always present. They are, in a sense, the life or the heart of the home.

Creativity as an Expression of Homemaking

Homemakers are the heart of the home. Their very mission is to breathe life and love into a physical dwelling, to turn an empty house or apartment into a home.

We have all been in houses that don’t really feel lived in. They feel stuffy and forced, almost as if they aren’t real. And they’re not: not real homes, that is. They are houses that are still waiting to be transformed into homes.

When you enter a true home, it feels like an extension of the family who lives there. I’m not talking merely about the expense of the furnishings or the style of the decor. Homes are an expression of a family’s values, their ideals, and their interests.

Women are nearly always responsible for creating this feeling of home. They are naturally equipped for nurturing others, and creating cozy, welcoming spaces for their families and guests. Of course working women can use their creative talents in their homes, and many do, but homemakers have a definite advantage: they spend most of their time at home, so they have more time and opportunities for domestic creativity.

Again, you don’t have to be wealthy to exercise this creativity. Even families living in trailers or rustic cabins lacking modern amenities can find ways to make their homes prettier and more comfortable. How? That’s the beauty of creative expression. Love and creativity always find ways to improve a situation, especially when it’s less than ideal.

Receptive Creativity

Gertrud von le Fort said that creativity is linked to receptivity. True creativity is always receptive to Divine inspiration. When people forget this quality and use creativity only to express what they find inside themselves, it breaks down into unintelligible chaos. (Think modern art.)

On the other hand, when the artist is receptive as well as expressive, his or her creations reflect truth and beauty. They are unique, as each human person is unique; and yet, they follow the Divine imprint that is present in the world. Masterpieces are beautiful because they conform to certain principles, and attempt to capture the truth and beauty of the subject.

Indeed, artists, perhaps more than anyone else, are attuned to the patterns and laws of nature and humanity. Their special gifts help them to uncover these Divine fingerprints and bring others to see them through art and music.

Women, who are naturally more receptive than men, have an easier time with this aspect of creativity. Women are more ready to sit with others and try to understand them before deciding how to solve their problems. This is why so many women have a knack for artistic pursuits such as interior decorating, flower arranging, and so much more. It comes naturally to them to try to understand the room or the flowers they are working with, so that they can see how to arrange each item to its greatest advantage.

This vision through understanding is sometimes called intuition. Intuition is grasping something as a whole instead of breaking it down into parts. Again, it is universally agreed that women as a group are more intuitive than men. Intuition greatly aids creativity by this very receptivity to the essence of things.

The Value of Homemaking

Some people think that homemakers don’t contribute anything to society. After all, they’re not “producing” anything. Or are they? Homemakers contribute very materially to society by nurturing their families. Families are the building blocks of society, and strong families are what keeps each society flourishing and functioning smoothly. So it is more correct to say that homemakers are invaluable to any and every society. There can be no more important role in forming good citizens than that of a homemaker.

How do you reckon the value of a homemaker? Well, what is the value of a home? Look at those who grow up in broken homes, or no real homes at all. They are often angry, anxious, depressed, and confused. As young adults, they lack direction in life and social skills necessary for getting along well with others. They often make poor choices, and involve others in their dysfunction.

There are exceptions, thankfully. With grace and perseverance, anyone can break out of a dysfunctional routine. But isn’t it better to start out with a home and family that is loving, nurturing, and provides the best possible basis for the success of each person? Isn’t it better to build a society on a solid structure of normal, functioning families, rather than dysfunctional families and every-man-for-himself individualism?

The family is the building block of society. As more and more families start to crumble, the society they live in weakens. Homemakers are the defenders of the family, and therefore society. They build up their homes and neighborhoods through the bonds of love and solidarity.

Today, this work is too often passed over as unnecessary, uninteresting, and unfulfilling. It is no less important because it is unpopular, however. In fact, the more unpopular homemaking becomes, the more important it is to the fate of families and societies alike.

Authentic Femininity and Homemaking

Women who seek authentic femininity embrace being women. They are not trying to be more like men. They accept the differences between men and women with equanimity, instead of constantly trying to erase all differences, good and bad.

These women see that they have different gifts and talents than men, and this is a good thing. It allows men and women to cooperate and work together in marriage, as well as in other relationships. Recognizing that women have different strengths and weaknesses than men allows them to maximize their potential to help each other.

The opposite view holds that women are unfairly subjugated to men in most if not all spheres of life, and that every effort should be made to eradicate these inequalities. In this view, oddly enough, only masculine strengths and virtues are esteemed.

The fact that men tend to possess more of these masculine virtues is said to be caused by the suppression of women’s rights, while feminine virtues and strengths are not even mentioned. This is a philosophy of inequality, and the goal of its proponents is to remove all differences or inequalities: to “level the playing field.”

Authentic femininity does not denigrate true feminine virtues and strengths. Rather, it embraces all of the feminine characteristics which are good, and seeks to help women attain happiness in their womanhood.

Homemaking is a deeply feminine calling. The art of making a home and nurturing a family resonates with the feminine heart. The homemaker who has embraced authentic femininity sees the four walls of her home, not as a confining prison, but as the boundaries of her own little kingdom, and a blank canvas for her creativity.

Further Reading

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy:

• The Eternal Woman, by Gertrud von le Fort (affiliate link; read my full disclosure here)
• The Privilege of Being a Woman, by Alice von Hildebrand (affiliate link; read my full disclosure here)
• The Purpose of Homemaking
• Cultivating Hospitality
• The Disappearing Art of Homemaking

What is it about receiving a handwritten letter that is so delightful? Is it the pretty stationery, the unexpected surprise of a personal envelope amongst the ads and flyers in the mailbox, the time and thought that the writer must have given to it? I believe all three contribute to the happiness I feel whenever I receive a letter from a friend, though of course the latter is the most important.

Why take the time to write a letter, when you could more easily pick up the phone and call your friend, or send an email? Letter writing takes more time, thought, and arguably money than other forms of communication. (Stamps and envelopes aren’t free, but then neither are phones or computers!) Still, letter writing is a form of communication that shouldn’t be ignored and left by the wayside as outdated and inconvenient. The written letter has several points to recommend it.

A More Personal Communication Style

Handwritten letters are more personal than other forms of communication. Are emails or text messages really personal communications? How could a line of text on a screen be anything more than impersonal and utilitarian? You can’t even tell for sure who is sending the message. There is no visual or aural evidence that the “sender” is actually the person you think it is!

Text messaging may be convenient when you have a quick question for someone, but beyond that, I think its usefulness dwindles. Conversations over text messages are unwieldy, and always fraught with the danger of mistaking emotion–or lack of emotion. I have heard many, many cases where one person gets upset and affronted by the perceived lack of emotion from the person she was texting. I myself have experienced this, and seen how easy it is to misconstrue another’s meaning over text messages.

What about emails? One could argue that they are just like sending a letter, except the recipient receives it faster than he would in the mail. Not so, my friend. Emails rely on typed text as well, so they carry the same dangers of removing emotion as do text messages.

Emails might be slightly better at conveying complicated ideas than text messages, simply because they can be formatted as paragraphs and thus are easier to read, but I have had more problems with misinterpreting my correspondent (and vice versa) through email than through text messages. Perhaps this is because people often do try to use emails as a replacement for written letters, and use them to discuss highly personal and emotion-laden subjects.

Communicating Emotion

Your handwriting is an expression of yourself, and can convey emotions much better than typed text. When reading a letter, I can tell when the writer gets excited and starts writing faster, so the words bunch together; or when she is calm and collected, and her words are evenly spaced with letters neatly formed.

Of course, you can hear emotion in a person’s voice on the telephone too. However, I find it more difficult to have a telephone conversation about deep or serious subjects; it’s easier when the conversation stays light. I think this is because it’s easy to get distracted during phone conversations. When I’m on the phone with someone, I’m often simultaneously folding laundry, cooking dinner, or at least keeping an eye on the children. I don’t usually devote all of my attention to the person on the other line.

Now, perhaps that’s a failing peculiar to myself, but I suspect it’s more common than not. Cell phones are designed so that people can take them everywhere, and use them constantly. Since they demand so much time, it’s impossible to give them your full attention even when you are using them, or you would never accomplish anything else!

The Dimension of the Personal

How can letters be more personal than these other forms of communication, when they seem just as distant in space, and certainly more distant in time? It’s an interesting question, if you think about it. What makes something personal? Where exactly is the realm of personhood? It does not exist solely in space or time, since those dimensions are particular to this present world. Angels are not materially present in space, and God is not limited to time, yet we call both God and angels “persons.” Let’s look the other direction down the spectrum: we call human beings “persons,” but not so animals or plants. What differentiates a person from a mere animal?

The personal can be found in the dimensions of rationality and spirituality. Human beings have rational intellects and free will. These characteristics are shared with God and the angels, while our physical bodies are grounded in space and time. Material and temporal things come to an end, but rational and spiritual things do not. They are eternal.

We can experience this through truly human, personal expressions such as great music or poetry. A great symphony never dies; it is forever new, eliciting emotions and longings in people despite great differences in time and space. Poetry does the same, as does classic literature. These are preserved in material vessels -books- but they are really the spoken words of one person to another, or many others. Books may be burned, or fall to pieces with age; but words, once spoken, never die.

Letter writing belongs in the dimensions of rationality and spirituality because it, too, is the work of a person. It is the spoken word of a mind and heart, reaching out to touch another mind and heart. It is the immortal communication between two souls.

Letters can delve deeply into personal matters, even though you are not in each other’s presence, because writing a letter gives you time to think out exactly what you wish to say. Precisely because it takes more time and effort to write a letter than it does to make a phone call or type out an email, letters are more intentional and personal. They reflect more than just what the writer was thinking or feeling superficially at the moment. I can easily have a 30 to 40-minute phone conversation with a friend without discussing anything of importance; but I rarely write or receive a letter that is completely superficial.

Letter Writing Preserves Relationships

Of course, not every letter discusses deeply spiritual or highly emotional matters; plenty of letters communicate interesting news or anecdotes of everyday life. Even these letters of apparent triviality can contribute to a deeply rooted relationship, through the very fact of communication. And even amusing, newsy letters have a more personal feel to them than emails or text messages.

While particular letters may discuss superficial matters, the medium of letter-writing lends itself to more important and universal subjects in general. Phone conversations are just like person-to-person conversations: the tone may be deep in select circumstances, but most of the conversations we engage in on a daily basis are casual. Letters, on the other hand, are more like prose or poetry: writing down each word captures it, so to speak.

Unlike poetry and prose, however, letters have the touch of directly personal communication. They are written to one specific person, rather than a general audience. They speak of universal themes in a personal manner. This is what makes letters so effective for sustaining and strengthening relationships, even when the correspondents live far from each other.

Letters may be kept and re-read over and over by the recipient. The personal letters of many notable writers have been published and read by thousands of people. If you admire a particular writer for his wisdom, empathy, or portrayal of reality, then reading his personal letters can offer even more insight into his character and development of ideas.

Style vs. Purpose

The goal of letter writing isn’t to write such impressive letters that they get published some day. Brilliant ideas and elegant style are nice, but they’re not the point. The goal ought to be relationship-oriented. After all, writing letters is a means of keeping in touch with an absent correspondent.

That said, writing good letters doesn’t happen automatically. It takes practice to learn how to condense your thoughts and explain them in a cohesive manner. It takes empathy and concern for others to write in a way that engages the recipient rather than merely narrates events or rambles off in a monologue that only interests yourself.

More than anything else, perhaps, writing good letters takes a true friend. You probably wouldn’t write a personal, philosophical letter to a slight acquaintance you barely know, or to a relative you haven’t seen since childhood. It’s more likely that you would only reveal the depths of your soul to someone you know intimately. Letters can be the means of developing such a relationship, or of continuing a solid relationship after a significant amount of time spent together.

The most important factor isn’t the amount of time you have known the person, but the amount of thought and effort you have put into the relationship–or decide to start putting into the relationship. Think about a soldier who falls in love just before going off to war. Letters to and from his sweetheart are the only way he really gets to know her and develop a relationship over the course of several years. Yet, by the time he returns from foreign lands, the soldier and his sweetheart have formed a deep, close relationship and are ready to enter into marriage. Letters that started out tentative, superficial, and emotional can transition to more meaningful and personal communications.

Likewise, letter writing can take an existing friendship and bring it to a much deeper, more intimate level. Letters allow you to share joys and sorrows, encourage each other, and call each other on to higher aspirations. Written words have the power to change another’s mind and heart, to build up or to tear down, and they should always be used with due respect and love.

How to Write a Letter

If you aren’t in the habit of corresponding by letter, it can seem daunting at first. Getting started might just be the hardest part! If you’re at a loss, try this method to begin:

1. Pick a friend or relative to write to. Make sure you have the person’s address.
2. Gather the necessary materials: paper, pen, envelope, stamp.
3. Begin your letter with a brief and friendly salutation, such as: “Dear Aunt Clara, How are you? I hope you have been enjoying the warm spring weather.” General enquiries after health and wellbeing are also appropriate.
4. You may begin with general topics such as weather or recent events before moving to more personal topics.
5. Ask after the person’s health, family, and general circumstances. Try to find other questions that invite the recipient to share more about herself without being nosy or too curious. Showing concern for the recipient and her family is part of being a good friend.
6. Relate something about your own life recently: changes in jobs or relationships, new ideas or plans, any events you are awaiting.
7. Conclude your letter with a heartfelt closure: “Sincerely,” “Love,” or “Cordially yours” are good choices.

Letters do not need to be pages and pages long, or filled with flowery language. Be yourself, and write with sincere good wishes for the recipient. Efforts at kindness and friendship are never wasted!

Letter Writing Supplies

Last but not least, I want to touch on stationery. As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, lovely stationery isn’t the most important part of writing letters–but it does make your letters prettier, and brings delight to the recipient.

We are material beings as well as spiritual, and a little bit of beauty can go a long way toward brightening your day–or your friend’s. I enjoy writing letters more when I use pretty papers, cards, stamps, and stickers. These things make me happy, and they seem to infuse my writing with some of that happiness. I also enjoy receiving lovely cards and letters in the mail. A colored envelope or pretty address label signals right away that this piece of mail is something special.

So if you’re looking for pretty writing paper or greeting cards, hop on over to my Etsy shop! I have several lovely designs for all of your letter writing needs. Fill your greetings with flowers, and watch your correspondence bloom! Etsy is also a good place to find custom address labels, if you are interested in those as well.

Click the image below to visit my shop:

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy my Cultivating Hospitality series: Part I and Part II.

Happy homemaking!

~ Kimberly