The Privilege of Being a Homemaker

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It’s no secret that homemaking gets a bad rap these days. Even among women who have consciously chosen homemaking and embraced it as a vocation and way of life, there are still plenty of days when it’s hard to remember why exactly we wanted this!

Sure, homemaking has its challenges and frustrations. Everything that’s really worth doing is challenging. That’s how we grow as human persons: by meeting new challenges and finding ways to overcome them. But instead of always focusing on the negatives, did you ever stop to think about homemaking as a privilege?

Homemaking: privation or privilege?

At first glance, it seems silly to refer to homemaking as a privilege. After all, you don’t need to achieve a certain level of wealth or education to become one. You don’t need a high social status–in fact, becoming a homemaker usually lowers your social status! You don’t need to be particularly smart, or strong, or beautiful to qualify for this position. All you need is a husband who supports you.

Why then should we consider homemaking a privilege?

It’s not because, as some might insinuate, homemakers get to sit around and eat bonbons all day while their husbands do all the work. That idea is entirely unfounded. Most homemakers throughout history have not had the luxury of hired cooks and housekeepers, unless they were quite wealthy.

No, most homemakers do their share of work; laziness is not more common among these women than the rest of the population.

Homemaking is a privilege because it makes the woman the queen of her household. It gives her authority over countless decisions that must be made on a daily basis. Further, it provides opportunities for creativity as well as nurturing and caring for others. It allows her to use her womanly gifts and talents directly for the good of her family. In other words, homemaking allows women to express their femininity through their vocations.

The Dignity of the Homemaker’s Role

A century ago, women’s rights advocates saw professional jobs and salaries as desirable privileges, and they fought long and hard to make these available to women as well as men. Perhaps the right question to ask is: why did they see secretaries as more privileged than homemakers?

One common argument was that working outside the home gave women more dignity. If the job in question was a professional one, such as a physician or a college professor, I can understand that there is an inherent dignity in those positions. But I hardly think that working in a factory or as a secretary carries the same dignity.

Indeed, it seems that in abdicating their role in the home for many if not most jobs, women lost dignity. They went from being in charge of the daily life of their households to jobs that barely required them to think for themselves, let alone make decisions and be responsible for other people.

The role of the homemaker carries with it a special womanly dignity. It makes the wife the queen of her little kingdom, her home. It gives her responsibility to care for her family: feeding them, clothing them, keeping the house neat and clean, and making their home a haven. Homemaking allows the husband to exercise chivalry by working to provide for his wife and family. It shows the children how mothers and fathers can maintain a strong and healthy relationship by their mutually supportive roles.

When traditional roles are abandoned

When husband and wife both work outside the home, their roles lose definition and become interchangeable. Man and woman are both performing the role of breadwinner, which can lead to competition in their relationship rather than teamwork.

Meanwhile, who is left to take care of the home and the children? Sometimes the duties are split evenly, but more often, the wife must try to juggle most of the cooking, housekeeping, and raising children along with her career.

This situation is not ideal, for anyone involved. The husband suffers, because home is chaotic instead of restful. The wife suffers, because she is too busy and overextended to do her job well. Most of all, the children suffer. They are passed along from daycare to the school system and after-school activities, summer camps and sports leagues. They are raised by everyone except their parents, who are just not home.

Even loving parents who truly want the best for their kids often don’t see the value of homemaking. They think that, in order to give their children the best life possible, they should both work so that they have more money, and can buy their kids more toys and clothes and college educations.

The Authority of a Homemaker

Another argument of women’s rights advocates was that women had no authority in the home. No doubt, there are some husbands who micromanage their wives and homes, but these are surely the exception rather than the norm. Most husbands would be glad to leave much of the household affairs in the competent hands of their wives. All of the homemakers whom I have had the privilege of knowing appear quite satisfied with the authority they exercise.

How does a homemaker exercise authority, you may ask. In what does it consist?

Part of the homemaker’s role as “queen of the household” involves her authority over all the daily events of her family, both planned and unplanned. As mistress of the house, she is the highest authority while her husband is not present. She oversees projects and repairs within and without the house. She is in charge of household management, and delegates tasks to appropriate helpers. She answers questions and solves problems when they arise. She keeps home life running smoothly.

Authority of a working woman

Compare this to the role of a woman who works outside the home. When she is hired by a company, she becomes a part of its hierarchy. She may be responsible for others, or not. She is certainly held accountable to her supervisor, or manager, or the owner of the company. Even if she rises to the top of the corporate ladder, there are boards of trustees or professional bodies that function as checks and balances to her power.

A married woman in charge of her household enjoys, ideally, equally shared authority with her husband. They work together as co-founders of their household and family. But practically speaking, homemakers make more decisions about the home and family life, simply because they are always present. They are, in a sense, the life or the heart of the home.

Creativity as an Expression of Homemaking

Homemakers are the heart of the home. Their very mission is to breathe life and love into a physical dwelling, to turn an empty house or apartment into a home.

We have all been in houses that don’t really feel lived in. They feel stuffy and forced, almost as if they aren’t real. And they’re not: not real homes, that is. They are houses that are still waiting to be transformed into homes.

When you enter a true home, it feels like an extension of the family who lives there. I’m not talking merely about the expense of the furnishings or the style of the decor. Homes are an expression of a family’s values, their ideals, and their interests.

Women are nearly always responsible for creating this feeling of home. They are naturally equipped for nurturing others, and creating cozy, welcoming spaces for their families and guests. Of course working women can use their creative talents in their homes, and many do, but homemakers have a definite advantage: they spend most of their time at home, so they have more time and opportunities for domestic creativity.

Again, you don’t have to be wealthy to exercise this creativity. Even families living in trailers or rustic cabins lacking modern amenities can find ways to make their homes prettier and more comfortable. How? That’s the beauty of creative expression. Love and creativity always find ways to improve a situation, especially when it’s less than ideal.

Receptive Creativity

Gertrud von le Fort said that creativity is linked to receptivity. True creativity is always receptive to Divine inspiration. When people forget this quality and use creativity only to express what they find inside themselves, it breaks down into unintelligible chaos. (Think modern art.)

On the other hand, when the artist is receptive as well as expressive, his or her creations reflect truth and beauty. They are unique, as each human person is unique; and yet, they follow the Divine imprint that is present in the world. Masterpieces are beautiful because they conform to certain principles, and attempt to capture the truth and beauty of the subject.

Indeed, artists, perhaps more than anyone else, are attuned to the patterns and laws of nature and humanity. Their special gifts help them to uncover these Divine fingerprints and bring others to see them through art and music.

Women, who are naturally more receptive than men, have an easier time with this aspect of creativity. Women are more ready to sit with others and try to understand them before deciding how to solve their problems. This is why so many women have a knack for artistic pursuits such as interior decorating, flower arranging, and so much more. It comes naturally to them to try to understand the room or the flowers they are working with, so that they can see how to arrange each item to its greatest advantage.

This vision through understanding is sometimes called intuition. Intuition is grasping something as a whole instead of breaking it down into parts. Again, it is universally agreed that women as a group are more intuitive than men. Intuition greatly aids creativity by this very receptivity to the essence of things.

The Value of Homemaking

Some people think that homemakers don’t contribute anything to society. After all, they’re not “producing” anything. Or are they? Homemakers contribute very materially to society by nurturing their families. Families are the building blocks of society, and strong families are what keeps each society flourishing and functioning smoothly. So it is more correct to say that homemakers are invaluable to any and every society. There can be no more important role in forming good citizens than that of a homemaker.

How do you reckon the value of a homemaker? Well, what is the value of a home? Look at those who grow up in broken homes, or no real homes at all. They are often angry, anxious, depressed, and confused. As young adults, they lack direction in life and social skills necessary for getting along well with others. They often make poor choices, and involve others in their dysfunction.

There are exceptions, thankfully. With grace and perseverance, anyone can break out of a dysfunctional routine. But isn’t it better to start out with a home and family that is loving, nurturing, and provides the best possible basis for the success of each person? Isn’t it better to build a society on a solid structure of normal, functioning families, rather than dysfunctional families and every-man-for-himself individualism?

The family is the building block of society. As more and more families start to crumble, the society they live in weakens. Homemakers are the defenders of the family, and therefore society. They build up their homes and neighborhoods through the bonds of love and solidarity.

Today, this work is too often passed over as unnecessary, uninteresting, and unfulfilling. It is no less important because it is unpopular, however. In fact, the more unpopular homemaking becomes, the more important it is to the fate of families and societies alike.

Authentic Femininity and Homemaking

Women who seek authentic femininity embrace being women. They are not trying to be more like men. They accept the differences between men and women with equanimity, instead of constantly trying to erase all differences, good and bad.

These women see that they have different gifts and talents than men, and this is a good thing. It allows men and women to cooperate and work together in marriage, as well as in other relationships. Recognizing that women have different strengths and weaknesses than men allows them to maximize their potential to help each other.

The opposite view holds that women are unfairly subjugated to men in most if not all spheres of life, and that every effort should be made to eradicate these inequalities. In this view, oddly enough, only masculine strengths and virtues are esteemed.

The fact that men tend to possess more of these masculine virtues is said to be caused by the suppression of women’s rights, while feminine virtues and strengths are not even mentioned. This is a philosophy of inequality, and the goal of its proponents is to remove all differences or inequalities: to “level the playing field.”

Authentic femininity does not denigrate true feminine virtues and strengths. Rather, it embraces all of the feminine characteristics which are good, and seeks to help women attain happiness in their womanhood.

Homemaking is a deeply feminine calling. The art of making a home and nurturing a family resonates with the feminine heart. The homemaker who has embraced authentic femininity sees the four walls of her home, not as a confining prison, but as the boundaries of her own little kingdom, and a blank canvas for her creativity.

Further Reading

If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy:

• The Eternal Woman, by Gertrud von le Fort (affiliate link; read my full disclosure here)
• The Privilege of Being a Woman, by Alice von Hildebrand (affiliate link; read my full disclosure here)
• The Purpose of Homemaking
• Cultivating Hospitality
• The Disappearing Art of Homemaking