I’ve been musing on the subject of hospitality a lot lately. Whether I have guests in my own home, or I am a guest in someone else’s home, it’s interesting to think about the different ways in which each family welcomes others.
In the first part of this series, we discussed the importance of hospitality in affirming the personhood and worth of others. Then we enumerated the different elements of hospitality, both physical and intangible. This time, I would like to focus on the spirit of the host or hostess, and what it really means to welcome someone into your home.
Today is the feast day of St. Martha. She is the patroness of servants and cooks. I think of her as one of the unofficial patronesses of homemakers, too. She who had the care of her household and received the most important Guest into her home on earth is surely looking down from heaven and smiling on our small efforts in our own homes!
Opening our homes and our hearts
The first step in hospitality is inviting someone to your house… or is it? I think the first step is really opening your heart to love others. Love allows us to see clearly, instead of being blinded by our own selfishness or just distracted and immersed in our own affairs.
With clear sight focused on others, we can now see their needs, not just our own. We can see how others are hurting, lonely, tired, or just in need of a smile and a friendly word. The vantage point of love shows us opportunities to practice hospitality and welcome others into our homes and our hearts.
But how exactly do we start practicing hospitality and welcoming people into our homes? Some people seem to be naturally hospitable and friendly, while others have trouble remembering to lift their eyes out of their own little circle of family and friends.
Those of us who are more reserved in general may find it difficult to even speak to a stranger or new acquaintance. Others may shy away from opening their homes, thinking that they don’t have the resources for entertaining guests.
Remember, hospitality doesn’t require a big house. It merely requires a big heart. If we ask for the grace to welcome others in love, we will begin to see that people feel welcome when we make space for them. Physical space, to be sure; but most importantly, space in our hearts.
It doesn’t matter if your furniture is shabby and doesn’t match. It doesn’t matter if someone has to sit on a bed or the floor because there aren’t enough chairs. What matters is offering what you have with love.
Martha and Mary
When we hear the story of Martha and Mary in the Gospels, it might seem like the message is simple: be like Mary, not like Martha. But that’s not really the point of the story. Mary was sitting at Jesus’ feet listening to Him when Martha, “burdened with much serving,” came to fetch her sister to help. The Lord rebuked Martha for getting anxious and distracted by less important things while she was in the presence of the One Who is more important than anything else. “Only one thing is necessary,” He told her.
That sounds like a pretty big “Oops” moment for Martha. But it’s not the end of the story about Martha and Mary. Later, we hear about the family at a time of devastation and loss when Lazarus had just died.
Martha was again serving a house full of people who had come to mourn. This time, when she learned that Jesus was arriving, she left her serving and went to meet Him. She had learned what one thing is necessary, and had come to believe in the words of Jesus. She confessed her belief in Him as the Son of God.
Serving with Martha, Welcoming with Mary
What does Martha’s story mean to us? St. Augustine says, “Our Lord’s words teach us that though we labor among the many distractions of the world, we should have but one goal.”
It is not wrong to live in the world, have a family, and serve others. Everyone is not obliged to become priests or nuns, dedicating every aspect of their lives to God. But each of us should be able to say: “Only one thing is necessary.”
We should not be so distracted and anxious about worldly affairs that we forget about God. Rather, the right worship of God should be the focus of our lives, and all else should spring from it.
True hospitality has its roots in love of God and love of neighbor. When we are in a right relationship with God–the state of grace–we treat everyone we meet with the same reverence and respect we would show to our Lord.
Dorothy Day has some convicting thoughts on our response to others:
If everyone were holy and handsome, it would be easy to see Christ in everyone. But it was not Christ’s way for himself. Ask honestly what you would do if a beggar asked at your house for food.
Would you give it on an old cracked plate, thinking that was good enough? Do you think that Martha and Mary thought that the old and chipped dish was good enough for their guest?
It is not a duty to help Christ — it is a privilege.
Dorothy Day
The gift of presence
If you were to treat everyone you meet as if he was Christ, what would that look like? After offering what you have unstintingly, I think the next most important element is being fully present with the other person.
These days, it seems like people are going in different directions constantly, always rushing from one thing to the next, and multitasking like it’s a virtue. (It’s not.)
When was the last time you slowed down enough to have a deep conversation with someone? One where you looked straight at the other person, and really listened to him, without even glancing at your phone or any kind of screen?
It can be hard to do this with your spouse or family members, let alone a stranger. That’s a tragedy.
Why? As we discussed earlier, hospitality affirms another person in his or her personhood: his very self. It looks at the other person and says, “You are worthy of my time, attention, and care. Come, enter into my home and my life, and refresh your body and spirit.”
That’s a powerful statement. It makes people feel truly loved and valued. Think what a difference it could make in someone’s life. Your child. Your mother or father. Your next-door neighbor.
Think what life would be without welcoming, affirming, loving interactions. It’s not hard to see why there are so many broken, hurting people in the world.
Entertaining Angels
You can make a difference by being present with people. When your child runs up to you wanting to show you something he found, put your phone away and listen to him.
When you pass by someone on the street or in the grocery store, look him in the eye and smile. When you are serving a house full of people, a cheerful face and attentive care are more important than making sure the meal is perfect and the house spotless.
(That’s not to say there’s no value in cooking or cleanliness! These things are good, but they should spring from love, and not be pursued for their own sakes. That is the meaning of the words, “Only one thing is necessary.”)
The transforming power of hospitality
Hospitality requires us to think about what’s really most important, and make sure our lives reflect that. It challenges us to open our hearts to others around us, whether they are in our families or somewhere outside our doors. It shifts our focus outside of ourselves to another person so much that we overlook both our strengths and our imperfections: in a word, it makes us humble.
Sometimes it’s the guest that changes us. We might initially be focused on making sure a dinner party is going according to plan, but then somehow find ourselves drawn into the conversation and the camaraderie, and forget all the little external things in the joy of fellowship. Then our priorities are reordered, and we can begin again with love at the center.
Perhaps you might be a guest in someone else’s home, and feel the warmth of hospitality as the hostess bustles you into into the house and sees to it that you’re warmed and dried and fed, all while she is caring for her own flock. You feel the motherly care and concern she shows for you and her own family. This love shines brighter than elegant furnishings or a gourmet meal ever could.
Hospitality and Humility
Humility is simply recognizing your place in the world, and in the light of eternity. It is standing with our feet firmly planted on the ground, aware of our weaknesses and faults, but looking heavenward in hope, knowing in Whose Image we were created, and for what purpose.
Lastly, humility is standing with your arms open to receive others: as good but flawed human beings, who are worthy of love and respect, and themselves stand in need of our hospitality.
May we let true hospitality transform our hearts so that they are no longer burdened with much serving, but overflowing with loving concern for others.
~Kimberly
P.S. – missed the first part in this series? Read it here. Or learn more about intentional homemaking!
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