What is it about receiving a handwritten letter that is so delightful? Is it the pretty stationery, the unexpected surprise of a personal envelope amongst the ads and flyers in the mailbox, the time and thought that the writer must have given to it? I believe all three contribute to the happiness I feel whenever I receive a letter from a friend, though of course the latter is the most important.
Why take the time to write a letter, when you could more easily pick up the phone and call your friend, or send an email? Letter writing takes more time, thought, and arguably money than other forms of communication. (Stamps and envelopes aren’t free, but then neither are phones or computers!) Still, letter writing is a form of communication that shouldn’t be ignored and left by the wayside as outdated and inconvenient. The written letter has several points to recommend it.
A More Personal Communication Style
Handwritten letters are more personal than other forms of communication. Are emails or text messages really personal communications? How could a line of text on a screen be anything more than impersonal and utilitarian? You can’t even tell for sure who is sending the message. There is no visual or aural evidence that the “sender” is actually the person you think it is!
Text messaging may be convenient when you have a quick question for someone, but beyond that, I think its usefulness dwindles. Conversations over text messages are unwieldy, and always fraught with the danger of mistaking emotion–or lack of emotion. I have heard many, many cases where one person gets upset and affronted by the perceived lack of emotion from the person she was texting. I myself have experienced this, and seen how easy it is to misconstrue another’s meaning over text messages.
What about emails? One could argue that they are just like sending a letter, except the recipient receives it faster than he would in the mail. Not so, my friend. Emails rely on typed text as well, so they carry the same dangers of removing emotion as do text messages.
Emails might be slightly better at conveying complicated ideas than text messages, simply because they can be formatted as paragraphs and thus are easier to read, but I have had more problems with misinterpreting my correspondent (and vice versa) through email than through text messages. Perhaps this is because people often do try to use emails as a replacement for written letters, and use them to discuss highly personal and emotion-laden subjects.
Communicating Emotion
Your handwriting is an expression of yourself, and can convey emotions much better than typed text. When reading a letter, I can tell when the writer gets excited and starts writing faster, so the words bunch together; or when she is calm and collected, and her words are evenly spaced with letters neatly formed.
Of course, you can hear emotion in a person’s voice on the telephone too. However, I find it more difficult to have a telephone conversation about deep or serious subjects; it’s easier when the conversation stays light. I think this is because it’s easy to get distracted during phone conversations. When I’m on the phone with someone, I’m often simultaneously folding laundry, cooking dinner, or at least keeping an eye on the children. I don’t usually devote all of my attention to the person on the other line.
Now, perhaps that’s a failing peculiar to myself, but I suspect it’s more common than not. Cell phones are designed so that people can take them everywhere, and use them constantly. Since they demand so much time, it’s impossible to give them your full attention even when you are using them, or you would never accomplish anything else!
The Dimension of the Personal
How can letters be more personal than these other forms of communication, when they seem just as distant in space, and certainly more distant in time? It’s an interesting question, if you think about it. What makes something personal? Where exactly is the realm of personhood? It does not exist solely in space or time, since those dimensions are particular to this present world. Angels are not materially present in space, and God is not limited to time, yet we call both God and angels “persons.” Let’s look the other direction down the spectrum: we call human beings “persons,” but not so animals or plants. What differentiates a person from a mere animal?
The personal can be found in the dimensions of rationality and spirituality. Human beings have rational intellects and free will. These characteristics are shared with God and the angels, while our physical bodies are grounded in space and time. Material and temporal things come to an end, but rational and spiritual things do not. They are eternal.
We can experience this through truly human, personal expressions such as great music or poetry. A great symphony never dies; it is forever new, eliciting emotions and longings in people despite great differences in time and space. Poetry does the same, as does classic literature. These are preserved in material vessels -books- but they are really the spoken words of one person to another, or many others. Books may be burned, or fall to pieces with age; but words, once spoken, never die.
Letter writing belongs in the dimensions of rationality and spirituality because it, too, is the work of a person. It is the spoken word of a mind and heart, reaching out to touch another mind and heart. It is the immortal communication between two souls.
Letters can delve deeply into personal matters, even though you are not in each other’s presence, because writing a letter gives you time to think out exactly what you wish to say. Precisely because it takes more time and effort to write a letter than it does to make a phone call or type out an email, letters are more intentional and personal. They reflect more than just what the writer was thinking or feeling superficially at the moment. I can easily have a 30 to 40-minute phone conversation with a friend without discussing anything of importance; but I rarely write or receive a letter that is completely superficial.
Letter Writing Preserves Relationships
Of course, not every letter discusses deeply spiritual or highly emotional matters; plenty of letters communicate interesting news or anecdotes of everyday life. Even these letters of apparent triviality can contribute to a deeply rooted relationship, through the very fact of communication. And even amusing, newsy letters have a more personal feel to them than emails or text messages.
While particular letters may discuss superficial matters, the medium of letter-writing lends itself to more important and universal subjects in general. Phone conversations are just like person-to-person conversations: the tone may be deep in select circumstances, but most of the conversations we engage in on a daily basis are casual. Letters, on the other hand, are more like prose or poetry: writing down each word captures it, so to speak.
Unlike poetry and prose, however, letters have the touch of directly personal communication. They are written to one specific person, rather than a general audience. They speak of universal themes in a personal manner. This is what makes letters so effective for sustaining and strengthening relationships, even when the correspondents live far from each other.
Letters may be kept and re-read over and over by the recipient. The personal letters of many notable writers have been published and read by thousands of people. If you admire a particular writer for his wisdom, empathy, or portrayal of reality, then reading his personal letters can offer even more insight into his character and development of ideas.
Style vs. Purpose
The goal of letter writing isn’t to write such impressive letters that they get published some day. Brilliant ideas and elegant style are nice, but they’re not the point. The goal ought to be relationship-oriented. After all, writing letters is a means of keeping in touch with an absent correspondent.
That said, writing good letters doesn’t happen automatically. It takes practice to learn how to condense your thoughts and explain them in a cohesive manner. It takes empathy and concern for others to write in a way that engages the recipient rather than merely narrates events or rambles off in a monologue that only interests yourself.
More than anything else, perhaps, writing good letters takes a true friend. You probably wouldn’t write a personal, philosophical letter to a slight acquaintance you barely know, or to a relative you haven’t seen since childhood. It’s more likely that you would only reveal the depths of your soul to someone you know intimately. Letters can be the means of developing such a relationship, or of continuing a solid relationship after a significant amount of time spent together.
The most important factor isn’t the amount of time you have known the person, but the amount of thought and effort you have put into the relationship–or decide to start putting into the relationship. Think about a soldier who falls in love just before going off to war. Letters to and from his sweetheart are the only way he really gets to know her and develop a relationship over the course of several years. Yet, by the time he returns from foreign lands, the soldier and his sweetheart have formed a deep, close relationship and are ready to enter into marriage. Letters that started out tentative, superficial, and emotional can transition to more meaningful and personal communications.
Likewise, letter writing can take an existing friendship and bring it to a much deeper, more intimate level. Letters allow you to share joys and sorrows, encourage each other, and call each other on to higher aspirations. Written words have the power to change another’s mind and heart, to build up or to tear down, and they should always be used with due respect and love.
How to Write a Letter
If you aren’t in the habit of corresponding by letter, it can seem daunting at first. Getting started might just be the hardest part! If you’re at a loss, try this method to begin:
- Pick a friend or relative to write to. Make sure you have the person’s address.
- Gather the necessary materials: paper, pen, envelope, stamp.
- Begin your letter with a brief and friendly salutation, such as: “Dear Aunt Clara, How are you? I hope you have been enjoying the warm spring weather.” General enquiries after health and wellbeing are also appropriate.
- You may begin with general topics such as weather or recent events before moving to more personal topics.
- Ask after the person’s health, family, and general circumstances. Try to find other questions that invite the recipient to share more about herself without being nosy or too curious. Showing concern for the recipient and her family is part of being a good friend.
- Relate something about your own life recently: changes in jobs or relationships, new ideas or plans, any events you are awaiting.
- Conclude your letter with a heartfelt closure: “Sincerely,” “Love,” or “Cordially yours” are good choices.
Letters do not need to be pages and pages long, or filled with flowery language. Be yourself, and write with sincere good wishes for the recipient. Efforts at kindness and friendship are never wasted!
Letter Writing Supplies
Last but not least, I want to touch on stationery. As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, lovely stationery isn’t the most important part of writing letters–but it does make your letters prettier, and brings delight to the recipient.
We are material beings as well as spiritual, and a little bit of beauty can go a long way toward brightening your day–or your friend’s. I enjoy writing letters more when I use pretty papers, cards, stamps, and stickers. These things make me happy, and they seem to infuse my writing with some of that happiness. I also enjoy receiving lovely cards and letters in the mail. A colored envelope or pretty address label signals right away that this piece of mail is something special.
So if you’re looking for pretty writing paper or greeting cards, hop on over to my Etsy shop! I have several lovely designs for all of your letter writing needs. Fill your greetings with flowers, and watch your correspondence bloom! Etsy is also a good place to find custom address labels, if you are interested in those as well.
Click the image below to visit my shop:
If you enjoyed this article, you may also enjoy my Cultivating Hospitality series: Part I and Part II.
Happy homemaking!
~ Kimberly
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