Category: Homemaking

Is marriage what you expected it to be? Has it been a difficult adjustment? Your relationship inevitably goes through some major changes within the first year or so of marriage. If you feel like you’re missing something in your marriage, consider these tips for newlyweds.

Actually, they apply to all marriages, no matter how young or old. But the best time to start putting them into practice is now. Your future self will thank you!

I’m writing from a wife’s perspective, so some of these tips are geared toward women. But you’re welcome to share them with your husband!

1. Forgive right away

Every newlywed hears some version of this old adage. “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” “Don’t hold grudges.” “Don’t go to bed angry.” It’s very true, but it’s all too easy to forget these familiar words in the tumultuous first months of marriage.

Marriage is an intimate relationship with another human being. The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to offend each other- even if you love each other very much.

The way to prevent such offenses from damaging your marriage is to forgive readily.

This doesn’t mean you pretend it doesn’t matter or you weren’t hurt. There would be nothing to forgive in that case. No, forgiveness acknowledges the fault and the hurt, but says, “My love for you is greater than this fault. Let’s move forward and start again in love, instead of dwelling on the past with resentment.”

2. Don’t keep secrets from your spouse

Your marriage partner should be the person who knows you best. Better than your best friend or your mother. Such an intimate relationship deserves a deep level of transparency and honesty.

You aren’t truly revealing yourself to your spouse if you hold some things back. Secrets get in the way of true intimacy between persons. If you want to have a deep relationship built on trust, you simply can’t keep secrets from your spouse.

Secrecy undermines trust in marriage because it blocks off a part of yourself that you won’t share with your spouse. Trust is a fragile thing, and even little secrets about insignificant matters can damage it.

Why? Because humans are imperfect. We’re prone to faults and failures and we know it. If you keep one secret from your spouse, they’re going to wonder what else you’re not telling them. And that is not a good road to travel in marriage.

Take money as an example. Money is one of the most common subjects married couples fight over. Being transparent in money matters goes a long way toward preventing fights and resentment.

(Note: I’m not saying arguments are bad. Resentment, however, is bad for a marriage. This goes along with #2 above.)

3. Forget about equality

Some people walk into marriage thinking they will split all tasks and burdens exactly down the middle. Fair is fair, and both parties should pull equal weight.

That’s not really what marriage is about, though. There is a lot of give and take in the relationship, for sure, but equality isn’t even in the equation.

Why not, you ask? Why should one person get the short end of the stick? This is the modern world, after all. Women no longer have to stay home and mind the house and kids. They can have careers too. And men can learn to do housework. They wouldn’t want to oppress their wives.

Hold on! Take a step back for a minute. You’re asking the wrong questions. Think about what initially attracted you to your spouse. What do you admire about him? Are they qualities or characteristics that you yourself possess in an equal amount?

I doubt it. We can only admire that which we do not possess. Even if you both have a similar characteristic, chances are that you and your spouse express it differently.

That’s a good thing, by the way. If you and your spouse had exactly equal qualifications and characteristics, how boring that would be! Marriage is a dynamic relationship wherein both spouses work together, using their individual talents and abilities in whatever way is best for the marriage as a whole.

Differences between your temperaments and abilities mean you bring something unique and special to the relationship. You can give something to the marriage that your spouse can’t, and vice versa.

So instead of thinking about marriage in terms of equality, try thinking about it as a dynamic relationship where you and your spouse work together by combining your different skills and talents to create something better and stronger than the individual parts.

Need a clearer image? Think of a single flute playing a melody. Now another flute joins the first, both playing the same tune. The sound doesn’t change much, does it?

But what happens if the second flute plays a harmony line instead of the melody? Now you have a duet that is more beautiful than the melody alone.

Marriage is just like this. If both parties were exactly equal, why would the marriage exist? But if each brings his and her unique perspectives and gifts to the marriage, then something truly beautiful can blossom.

4. Communication takes work

We just talked about how you and your spouse have different perspectives. You might be thinking, “Boy, is that right! Sometimes it seems like we’re speaking different languages!”

I hear you. It’s because of our differences that communication isn’t as simple as we think it should be. Sometimes when your spouse just doesn’t seem to understand you, it’s tempting just to give up, say it doesn’t matter, and walk away feeling frustrated.

But it does matter. You have chosen this partner for life, and the ups and downs of life will be a lot easier to bear if you can communicate well.

That’s a lot easier said than done, as I can attest. Communication isn’t just words; it’s looks, gestures, tone of voice, and other nonverbal cues. It’s not a science, that you can study and learn everything there is to know.

Communication between spouses is not based on rules and sets of data. You can’t look up a word or phrase in the Wife/Husband Dictionary to see exactly what your spouse means.

No, communication is different for everyone, and you and your spouse have to figure out what the other is saying. You will have to work at it for years; maybe your entire marriage. Some couples seem to reach a state of perfect communication after 40 or 50 years together. You can hope for that!

But it takes a lot of work, and it’s often frustrating. The easy option is to give up or get angry when you can’t get your message across–or when your spouse says you don’t understand.

Then what happens? You either don’t talk for a while, or end up saying something in anger. Both of those reactions weaken your communication even further.

That attitude doesn’t help either of you, and it makes important discussions more difficult. If your usual reaction to miscommunication is to fall silent or get angry, how will you make decisions together?

The big decisions in life and marriage tend to involve a lot of emotion as it is. They are a whole lot easier to discuss if you can communicate without getting sullen or angry.

5. Don’t take your spouse for granted

Another thing that’s easier said than done. Some people see routine as the enemy of marriage, because it’s easy to get stuck in a rut of habitual daily living and stop caring.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. The solution to this is to enjoy the little everyday moments without taking your spouse for granted.

What does that mean, exactly? It has to do with love and paying attention. Think about a typical day. How many things do you do each day without really thinking about them, as if they were on autopilot? Conversely, what do you really pay attention to? I hope your spouse is one of them.

Routine says, “This happens every day, so it must not be important.” Living with intention says, “This happens every day, so it must be very important.”

Living with intention means not rushing through life, trying to complete as many tasks as possible. It means slowing down enough to pay attention to each person who asks you to do something.

When you begin to live with intention, you begin to see the meaning of tasks you would have considered mindless. You see who you are helping by doing those chores; or who you could be helping.

If you can do small acts every day out of love for your spouse, your family, your coworkers, your neighbors, that is living with intention. Once you begin to do this, you will stop living on autopilot and taking people for granted.

6. Set goals and talk about your dreams together

How do you keep your marriage strong for 20, 30, 40 years? By working together toward the same goals. Communication plays a big role here, but it also helps to have a mutual game plan, a blueprint for life.

You probably talked about goals and dreams when you were dating and engaged. You wanted to make sure that your goals lined up with your future spouse’s goals–and for good reason.

If two people set out together on a journey, but one wants to go to Chicago and the other wants to go to Amsterdam, it doesn’t take a genius to see that they won’t stay together.

When you enter into marriage, you are taking on a lifelong travel partner. It’s a good idea to review your goals and dreams every once in a while, and make sure you’re both on the same track.

Of course you will both have some different dreams and aspirations. That’s healthy, and good for your marriage. But if you don’t have some mutual life goals, then where is your marriage headed?

Some people wake up one day and find that their life goals are completely different. Don’t let that be you. Talk about goals and dreams with your spouse, even if it seems silly. Don’t assume you know what the other person wants. Ask.

7. Grow and learn together

All relationships change over time, because all people change and grow. Strong relationships don’t avoid change; they grow together. This is similar to working toward shared goals, but on a more basic level.

You may already have learned that you grow together through trials and challenges. But there are other ways to grow which are easier and more positive!

Here are some ways you and your spouse can grow and learn together:

• Read a book and discuss it

• Take a class together

• Attend a lecture or retreat together

• Choose a new activity to try together

• Plan a trip and learn about your destination: history, culture, etc.

• Have a baby

8. Take turns supporting each other

Every marriage encounters rough spots, tragedy, and heartache. Not every marriage deals with these effectively. Strong marriages involve a lot of give and take, and this applies to supporting each other emotionally and physically.

It’s easy to see the physical implications. If your spouse is swamped at work, you can pitch in and take care of all the housework for a while. If you are sick or having a difficult pregnancy, your spouse can do extra to help out.

But the emotional component isn’t always as clear. Think about minor crises you’ve encountered in the last month or so. Did one spouse bear all the emotional burden and act as the calming influence? Or did you trade roles in different situations?

I realize this has a lot to do with personality, and no personality is intrinsically “bad.” Someone who reacts negatively in stressful situations might be really good at encouraging his or her spouse when they’re battling negative thoughts.

My husband and I have fairly similar personalities, and we joke about “taking turns being miserable.” While neither of us has ever been clinically depressed, we can both feel down at times. It’s essential for us to keep a balance, with one person remaining level-headed and encouraging the other to snap out of their negativity.

The point is that when you both know your strengths and weaknesses, you can build each other up and make your marriage stronger.

Saying, “Oh, he’s the strong one,” is counterproductive. You both have something to contribute to your marriage partnership. You can both support each other in different ways.

9. Give your best to your spouse

10. Your spouse comes before your kids

This can be especially difficult for women to remember. The mothering instinct is strong, and it’s easy to spend all your time and energy taking care of your offspring, particularly when they’re young. Some mothers even see this as admirable behavior.

It’s not. Yes, your children need lots of love and attention, but so does your spouse. You can’t spend five or ten years ignoring your husband and expect your marriage to stay as strong as it was before you had kids.

You must tend your marriage constantly if you want it to thrive. That means carving out time for date night and having real conversations without interruptions.

Of course it’s hard. You might just have to get by with the bare minimum during certain periods of life, such as right after the birth of a baby, but it should never become a habit.

You’ve probably heard the adage, “The best thing you can do for your kids is to love their mother” (or father). Giving your kids a stable family environment to grow up in is indeed the best gift you can give them.

And modeling a strong and healthy marriage gives them the tools to form their own strong relationships when they’re older. They learn by watching you–and they’re always watching!

Not only that, but your kids probably won’t live with you forever. They grow up and move out. But marriage isn’t a temporary arrangement. Your spouse will be there until death do you part.

So set aside time to devote completely to your spouse. Put it in your schedule if you have to. How often? Marriage counselors say every week. (I’m cringing as I write this, because I’m bad at sticking to it!)

If once-a-week date night seems unattainable, at least set aside one evening per week for your spouse. Shoot for an evening that you’re not both exhausted. As soon as the kids are in bed, turn your phones off and talk to each other.

Make your spouse a priority. Your kids will thank you later.

11. Remember to be grateful

Last of all, say thank you. Learn to appreciate everything your spouse does for you. Don’t compare your own contributions, saying, “Well, he’s done this much, but look at how much I do every day.” Marriage is not a competition.

If you’re focusing on yourself and everything you do for your spouse, your marriage will suffer. An inward focus leads to discontent and possibly resentment. Focusing on your spouse is the way to deepen your relationship and make it last a lifetime.

How exactly can you do this? Think of all the ways your life is better because of your spouse. Think of everything he does on a daily or weekly basis to help, support, and love you.

Maybe he surprises you with flowers once in a while, just because. Maybe he works diligently every day to financially support your family. Perhaps he volunteers to cook or do one of your chores when you’re having a rough day. Or perhaps he puts up with your hobbies and interests when he would rather be doing something else.

However your spouse shows his love to you, be grateful. Say thank you.

There’s always more to learn

Giving advice is the easy part. Putting it into practice is always harder. I am still working on all of these areas in my own marriage. Marriage is a lifelong journey, and you never reach a point where you are done working at your relationship.

I’m not a marriage counselor, nor do I consider myself an expert. I’ve only been married 3 1/2 years, so I still have a lot to learn. However, I’ve seen some wonderful marriages, and I want the best for my own marriage.

One of the books that has shaped my ideas about marriage is By Love Refined: Letters to a Young Bride, by Alice von Hildebrand. She elaborates on many more tips for newlyweds and the marriage relationship in general. I have not consciously used anything from it in this article, but I know that I’ve absorbed some of the ideas and they are reflected in my writing.

Disclosure: the link above is an affiliate link. If you click the link and make a qualified purchase, I may receive a small commission, at no extra cost to you.

These tips for newlyweds have been helpful in our marriage, and I sincerely hope they will be beneficial to you as well!

What next?

After reading these tips for newlyweds, do you still feel like there’s something lacking in your marriage, or you don’t have enough time or energy to put into your relationship.

Maybe your work schedules don’t coincide very well, and you spend all your free time doing chores instead of working on your marriage.

If you want to read more about living intentionally and making relationships a priority, read The Purpose of Homemaking.

Why the homemaker’s role is vital to society

What’s the point of being a homemaker? Is it outdated? Does it even matter in the grand scheme of things?

Do you ever find yourself asking these questions? Maybe you compare yourself to others who have more illustrious occupations, or your former self before you adopted this role.

Perhaps you’re thinking about becoming a homemaker, but you’re leery of the social stigma or worried about degenerating into a vegetative state for lack of any intellectual stimulation.

Maybe you’ve been a homemaker for a while, and it’s beginning to feel pointless. Other people make comments about being a “productive member of society” or being successful in life, and you begin to feel like you have no place in the adult world.

To find the answer, let’s start by examining the meaning of work and the purpose of homemaking.

Work to live or Live to work?

What is the meaning of work? Is all work meaningful? These two questions are closely related, and very important to answer if you want to live with purpose.

Of course, you could write several books on the subject of meaningful work- and many people have. This brief overview just provides a framework for the question we are concerned with: whether or not the work of homemaking is meaningful.

Work can be defined in different ways, depending on your approach. Science, Philosophy, and Politics would each emphasize different aspects of it. For the sake of clarity, I am speaking of human work from a social and mildly philosophical standpoint.

Work, according to Joseph Pieper, is “that which gives man’s workday its name; it satisfies our basic needs and procures our daily bread; it constitutes the active effort to provide those things indispensable in order to stay alive.”

His definition emphasizes work as a means to a specific and measurable end: procuring a livelihood. If you isolate this statement, then work would be judged solely on the basis of money. The best work would be that which makes the most money.

But this goal of earning a livelihood is not the ultimate goal, and is not the only standard by which work should be judged. Pieper poses this question: “Can the human being be satisfied with being a functionary, a ‘worker’? Can human existence be fulfilled in being exclusively a work-a-day existence?”

A fully human life

Humans are rational beings, possessing intellects and wills. We can think and reason, imagine and make free choices. Animals, which live on an irrational and instinctual level of consciousness, can be satisfied with working to survive.

But humans need more than that to be truly satisfied. A fully human existence must challenge the intellect and engage the will, not merely provide for the physical needs of the body.

To be meaningful, then, work must support a truly human life. Work itself is not the end goal.

Some forms of work require more intellectual engagement than others, but even physical labor can be meaningful if it is directed toward supporting a fully human life.

The purpose of Homemaking

How do you define the purpose of homemaking? Well, what makes a good homemaker? One who accomplishes the most housework in a given amount of time? It’s one thing to make a list and check off as many tasks as you can, but that seems arbitrary and ultimately pointless.

If the goal of homemaking is merely to complete as much cooking and cleaning as possible every day, only to start over again the next day in an endless cycle of drudgery, that would be as mechanical and mindless as a career woman’s worst nightmare.

However, if the purpose of homemaking is to create a cheerful, welcoming home that is a haven for family and friends, then the individual tasks don’t seem distasteful anymore.

Working toward the goal

If you want your family to be able to relax and have fun together in your home, then you need to maintain some level of order and cleanliness.

Thus, cleaning the bathroom becomes less of a dreaded chore and more of a necessary means to the end that is a well-ordered home. When you think about it like this, each mundane task becomes an opportunity to love and serve your family.

It doesn’t matter that you will probably have to clean that very same bathroom hundreds or thousands of times over. You can still take delight in a job well done.

The purpose of homemaking is accomplished through love

Other tasks, like cooking, can even be raised to an art form. I’m not talking about gourmet cooking here, though there’s nothing wrong with that! Even small actions become works of art when they are done thoughtfully and out of love.

St. Francis of Assisi said, “He who works with his hands is a laborer. He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman. He who works with his hands, head, and heart is an artist.”

What exactly does that mean? A laborer’s job takes physical strength and coordination. It doesn’t necessarily require much thinking, which is why people sometimes complain about “mindless work.” (Even if you think housework belongs in this category, keep reading!)

The next level, the craftsman, does require thinking. Animals can work together as laborers to build anthills or beehives, but they cannot think and reason as humans can. Craftsmen can take a piece of raw material and make it into something new. They can look at a problem and come up with a creative solution through reason and imagination.

Transcendentals

Artists go one step further. Their goal is not merely utilitarian: finding a solution to a problem, or material: making a useful object. Their goals have to do with transcendental attributes of being: the Good, the True, and the Beautiful.

Artists strive to reflect one or more of these ideals in their work, whichever medium they use. Philosophy and Law are ordered to Truth. Composing music, painting, and other forms of art reflect Beauty. Ethics and Medicine promote Goodness.

What does this have to do with scrubbing pots and sweeping the floor? It has to do with the end: the “Why” of the artist, laborer, or craftsman.

It’s not so much the subject of your work that defines which category you fall into. There are artists, craftsmen, and laborers working in all of the fields listed above, even though we would consider most of them professionals.

Don’t believe it? Here’s an example. I worked in a hospital for a time. Hospitals employ people to perform a wide range of jobs, from delivering trays of food to handling medical emergencies. I found people who loved the patients in every level of the medical hierarchy. It was also plain to see who was merely there for the paycheck.

Why do you show up for work? The answer to that question can mean the difference between a dissatisfied, empty life and one that is meaningful and fulfilling.

The transforming power of love

Can you imitate a Transcendental without pouring your heart into it? Does anyone win a marathon without pouring his or her heart into it? No–unless there aren’t any other fast runners!

But in all earnestness, no human creation can encompass a Transcendental. It will always be something above and beyond our best efforts, something we cannot quite capture. For this reason, they are sometimes called Perfections. Artists strive to capture some aspect of Goodness, Truth, or Beauty in their work, and they do this through love.

Love transforms our efforts, be they ever so mundane. Mother Teresa spent years taking care of dirty, sick, “useless” people. Bathing and feeding people doesn’t seem like art, but her love transformed her work into something beyond herself.

That’s part of the key. When something takes you out of yourself and makes you focus completely on another person, that’s love. Even if the work you have to do isn’t exciting. Even if the people you serve aren’t starving foreign children, but your own family members.

Mother Teresa said, “It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.”

If you wash the breakfast dishes with love, you’re an artist. If you fold the laundry with love, you’re an artist.

Love pays attention

Here is one my favorite quotes from one of my favorite novels. The author is describing the effects of learning not to rush through life.

When you slow down and pay attention to each separate task instead of cramming as much as you can into the day, a surprising thing happens. There’s still time for everything important, and you appreciate it more.

“Then the small things, the necessary things, even the ordinary, everyday things, especially those one performed with one’s hands–how mysterious that man could do such beautiful things with his hands–were revealed as works of art.”

The Awakening of Miss Prim, Natalia Sanmartin Fenollera

The amount of attention we give someone or something reflects how much we love them. If we always rush through our tasks, we can’t do them with love. Love stops and looks into the face of her beloved.

The role of homemaking in a truly human life

This brings us back to the original question of whether or not homemaking is meaningful work. We have defined meaningful work as that which supports a truly human life. The purpose of homemaking is to create a welcoming, loving home for your family.

The only question left to answer is whether or not the purpose of homemaking aligns with the goal of meaningful work. Is living as a family in a welcoming, loving home part of a truly human life?

For something to be considered truly human does not mean that every person who ever lived must have experienced it. A truly human life is the best life a human person could live, but not everyone does. Some don’t have the opportunity, and some who have the opportunity aren’t interested.

Homemaking supports a truly human life by providing the best environment for raising children.

Children need more than just food and shelter to learn and develop properly. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs defines five different levels of human needs, starting with the basic physical requirements for survival and moving upwards through safety, love, esteem, and self-actualization.

Homemakers create stability by being present in the family home and keeping that home organized and running smoothly.

A stable family is a requirement for children to feel safety and security. A welcoming and loving family helps a child feel that he belongs and has value as a person. This in turn is the basis for self-esteem and the ability to pursue meaning and fulfillment in his own life.

Longitudinal studies have shown that when a child is born or adopted into a loving, stable family, he or she has the best chance of success academically and socially.

The absence of a stable home life often results in lack of self-esteem or poor adaptation skills. If a child doesn’t feel secure, how can he begin to determine his place in the world?

Homemaking strengthens the foundations of society

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs doesn’t only apply to children. Every human person, regardless of age, must meet each level of needs in order to truly flourish.

Homemaking provides stability for every member of the family, fulfilling the second level: safety and security needs. A stable home might seem more important for children, but adults also need a solid foundation.

Life is unpredictable and full of changes: some positive, others negative. A person’s ability to adapt to changes depends heavily on their sense of security and stability.

In a broader sense, a society’s ability to adapt to changes or work together depends on its stability. When the ties that unite a nation begin to disintegrate, the nation weakens. It is easier for factions to divide the nation, or for a usurper to take control.

How do you determine a society’s stability? By its families. Families are the basic unit of society, from the earliest human records. Thus the health of a nation can be estimated by the health of its families.

If families are united, the communities will be stronger. If families are divided and isolated, communities become less cohesive and weaker.

Accomplishing the purpose of homemaking supports the family and society by creating stable homes in a changing world.

The ultimate purpose of homemaking

Do you still feel like your work at home doesn’t really matter? Do you compare yourself to others who seem to be helping many people in their jobs or volunteer positions?

One of my favorite quotes from Mother Teresa is, “If you want to see change in the world, go home and love your family.”

How true that is. If we don’t want to pour our hearts into loving our families, how will we love anyone else? And if we try to help others without really loving them, we won’t accomplish lasting changes.

On the contrary, if we start out by focusing on loving those we interact with every day, then our attitude of love will spread outward and affect anyone else we meet.

When you think about it this way, our world is in desperate need of loving homemakers. There is as much suffering as ever, and a lack of people who know how to love.

A family without love splinters into lonely fragments. A society without loving families becomes a group of isolated individuals that must substitute laws for personal responsibility and concern for the needs of others.

Love strengthens not only our families, but also our neighborhoods and communities. These, in turn, form the basis for a stable society.

By staying home and loving their families, homemakers really are making a difference in the world. Your work does matter. The love you show in your small actions has the power to extend beyond the walls of your house and shine a little more light into the world.

***

You may also like The Disappearing Art of Homemaking

If you’re trying to save money on groceries this year, you’ve come to the right place. There are tons of money-saving resources out there, but this one is different.

I’m always ready to learn new strategies for saving money, but I’ve been disappointed lately. It seems like every article I read about how to save money on groceries just talks about apps or couponing services.

Those may work for some people, but I don’t find most of them to be very helpful. The shopping apps and coupon sites (paid or free) that I’ve seen mostly show coupons or discounts for brand name products. That would be fine if the coupon was worth it. But 50 cents off of a $1.99 can of tomatoes still doesn’t beat the store brand for $0.79.

So I compiled a list of tactics for the shopper who really needs to cut expenses and save money. This is for you if you’ve cut out all extra expenditures and don’t know what else to do.

I know these methods work because I’ve used them for the last 4 years to keep our grocery bills under $350/month for three people (plus a baby). I can keep them under $300/month when I use all of the tactics listed below. And that’s in Fairbanks, Alaska, where there is no Aldi and groceries cost over 25% more than the national average!

I don’t use every single tactic every month because I’m a weak human being, and I like to buy seltzer water now and then! But I do use some of them all the time.

If you would like to save money on groceries, but aren’t desperate, try a few of these tactics. If you need to save a LOT, use all of them. I promise that you will see a difference in your grocery bills!

Again, I don’t use all of them every month. They are meant to be like Ultra Power Saving Mode on your phone: you don’t use it all the time, just when your phone has a low battery and you need it to last as long as possible.

I’m warning you: these tactics aren’t as quick and easy as downloading a fancy app. It takes some time to plan meals before you set foot in the grocery store. Shopping on a tight budget doesn’t allow you to experiment with lots of exotic foods (unless you consider rice exotic…)

But if you don’t have enough money for groceries this month, it’s worth it. If you’re desperately trying to scrape up some extra cash, it’s worth it. This list of tips will help you stretch your grocery budget farther than you ever have before!

Before You Shop

Are you ready to start saving? Don’t head to the store just yet. Having a plan is one of the most important things you can do to save money on groceries. These tips will help you form a plan so you can stretch your hard-earned cash as far as possible!

1. Start with a meal plan.

This basic tool will help you plan out your menus for a week or a month at a time. When you’re in Ultra Power Saving Mode, I suggest planning more than one week of meals at a time. You don’t have to tackle the entire month if that idea seems overwhelming, but try to plan two weeks of meals.

You will only be shopping for this week’s groceries, but if you notice something on sale which is on your menu for next week, wouldn’t you rather pay sale price and move the meal to this week? Or just freeze the sale item for later use. You can read more about meal planning here, or just grab a free copy of my meal planning bundle.

2. Take an inventory of your refrigerator, freezer, and pantry before you make a meal plan.

This helps you to use what you already have, so it doesn’t sit in the back of your pantry for months. It’s nice to have a well-stocked freezer and pantry for times when money’s tight.

I like to do this at least every other month, and keep an inventory sheet posted on my fridge. Then I can easily refer to it when making my meal plans and grocery lists, instead of digging through everything trying to find out whether or not I used that last can of corn.

3. Go quasi-vegetarian.

Shoot for 3-4 meatless meals per week. Meat is often one of the most expensive items people buy. By replacing meats with other forms of protein, you can easily shave off a good chunk of your weekly grocery bill.

And choose wisely the meats you continue to buy during this period. When we’re on a tight budget, I only buy bacon or whole chickens. Why? Chickens go on sale for $0.89-$0.99/lb several times a year, and a whole chicken gives our family 3-4 meals if I plan them right. That comes out to just over a dollar per meal for a large chicken.

Bacon is a much higher price per pound, BUT you don’t use as much bacon in a meal as you do other meats. Also, bacon greatly enhances beans, and we eat a lot of beans.

4. Plan to grocery shop just once per week.

No running back to the store for last-minute items you forgot. This will not only save on gas, but also keep you from being tempted to purchase other things you don’t really need.

Some people can walk out of a grocery store with only the one or two things on their list; others just can’t help seeing sales, and come out lugging much more than they planned to buy. (It’s also much easier to keep track of grocery receipts if you only have one per week!)

If you know that you’ll only be grocery shopping once per week, you have to be organized and plan ahead. This means you need to sit down with your meal plan and make a grocery list that includes everything you need to make meals for a week.

5. Look at the weekly ads and coupons for your grocery store before you go.

I said that I don’t find most grocery apps helpful. The exception is apps that are specific to one grocery store. These often have coupons for store-brand items, milk, eggs, and produce.

They might also give you points for gasoline discounts or other rewards or rebates. In my experience, not all grocery apps are created equal. I use the Safeway app all the time, but Fred Meyer only rarely.

At the grocery store

6. Go shopping first thing in the morning.

This is when many grocery stores mark down items that will be expiring soon. I usually shop at 8:30-9:00 on Wednesday mornings, and I can almost always score markdowns on meats, yogurt, and other dairy products.

7. Compare prices for fresh and frozen veggies, especially if it’s not garden season!

For example, I know that I can usually buy fresh broccoli in the winter for about $2.49/lb. However, frozen broccoli runs around $1-$1.25 for a 12 oz. package, which comes out to about $1.67/lb.

It also helps to keep in mind what you will be doing with those fruits and vegetables on your shopping list. Frozen carrots work fine in soups and casseroles, but not in coleslaw. Extra points for planning meals around frozen vegetables while making your meal plan!

8. Don’t put anything in your cart that you could eat on the way home.

What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t be buying convenience foods. Aim for buying ingredients only: flour, butter, and eggs instead of bread or crackers. The obvious exceptions to this rule are fruits and vegetables, which you can often eat in their natural state!

9. Don’t buy any beverages except milk.

If your home doesn’t have a safe source of drinking water, that’s a different story, of course. But in general, stick to this rule. I’m also not going to tell you that you can’t have tea or coffee if you really think you need it. I’m merely pointing out that these beverages aren’t necessary, and can therefore be dispensed with for a period of time if your budget is very tight.

What I’m really talking about are drinks like juice, soda pop, seltzer water, iced coffee or tea, and alcohol. These are extras, and shouldn’t be in your cart while you’re in Ultra Power Saving Mode.

10. Know when to wait.

Let’s say cheddar cheese is on your list. It’s not on sale, but you know that cheese does go on sale at least once a month. Mentally review your meal plan.

Do you have any cheese at home, or was it just on your list because you were running low? Do you have any other cheeses that you could substitute? Could you make the recipe without cheese? Could you save the recipe for next week and make something else that doesn’t require cheese?

Ultimately, only you can make the decision. But learning to adjust your grocery list and meal plan on the fly is a valuable skill.

11. Don’t buy organic anything, unless it’s actually cheaper than store brand.

I don’t want to open a can of worms here. I’m not saying you should never buy organic food. I do, myself, when we’re not in Ultra Power Saving Mode. But buying non-organic food for a month while you’re trying to save money will not kill you.

If you just can’t bring yourself to buy factory-farmed chickens or beef raised on corn, then don’t. Go completely vegetarian for a month, or ask the clerk in the meat department which day of the week the organic meat gets discounted. Shop on that day, first thing in the morning. I often see organic chicken and ground beef discounted up to 50% or more.

12. Buy your beans and rice in bulk.

Like, at least 5 pounds at a time. No cute little 1 or 2-lb. bags. Those aren’t much better than sale-priced meats. And don’t even think about canned beans! It’s really not that bad to cook your own. The hardest part is remembering to do it before 4:00 p.m. Try setting a reminder on your phone.

13. Compare unit prices.

These are the little numbers on a price tag that lists the cost per unit the item is measured in. Units will be different for different items: eggs are measured in dozens, beans are measured in pounds, milk is measured in gallons.

Comparing the unit price across different brands and different sizes of containers will help you to see which item is the most cost effective. Buying a larger package might raise your grocery bill this week, but it will help you to save money on groceries in the long run.

Hint: if you see two different units for the same type of item (ounces or pounds for two different brands of tomato sauce), the one measured in larger units will nearly always be the cheaper option.

14. Don’t assume that buying in bulk is always cheaper.

Now that you know how to compare unit prices, it’s tempting to buy everything in bulk. But that’s not always the best way to save money on groceries. Don’t assume that just because it’s in a big package, it will be cheaper in the long run. Always double check that unit price!

Also, if you don’t need a lot of a particular item, the most cost-effective option may actually be the smaller package. This is especially important to consider when you’re in Ultra Power Saving Mode and every penny counts. Don’t get stuck thinking you ought to buy the item with the lowest unit price.

If you just need a bit of gruyere cheese for your French onion soup, don’t go out and buy the biggest package you can find. Find a small package, or substitute a less expensive cheese with similar characteristics.

Shop sales wisely

15. Resist sale items if they’re not on your list.

This is a tricky one, because it depends on your situation. Normally, I will scan the meat department quickly for markdown stickers or a really great sale on chicken.

It can be tempting to stock up on something when it’s on sale. But if you’re serious about not going over budget this month and you’ve made a meal plan that will keep you on track, don’t let yourself get distracted by the sales.

Again, you have to evaluate your situation. If you think you will be in Ultra Power Saving Mode for more than one month and it’s an item you use frequently, maybe it does make sense to buy two or three instead of one. But don’t buy six jars of peanut butter just because they’re on sale. There will be other sales in the future.

16. Ask for rain checks.

Sometimes stores run out of sale inventory faster than they estimated, and there aren’t any left by the time you get there. If a store is advertising a great sale and you planned for it, so the item is on your list and in your meal plan, ask an employee in that department for a rain check.

As long as the sale wasn’t advertised as “while supplies last,” they should be happy to give you a rain check. This locks in the sale price for you, so you can purchase the item when it is restocked, even though that might not be until after the sale has ended.

17. Make a price comparison book and bring it with you.

This is a great tool for learning how to spot great sales and save money on groceries even at regular prices. Technically, you should do this at home, before you grocery shop. But if you haven’t been saving receipts, you can’t start until you go shopping.

Get a small notebook and write down all the foods you normally buy: one item per page. I wrote down everything I could think of on one piece of paper first, then transferred it to the notebook in alphabetical order.

Take the price book along on shopping trips, and copy prices from your receipts when you get home. List the name of the store, unit price, price you actually paid with the actual quantity purchased, and whether or not it was on sale. An entry for eggs might look like this: Safeway, $2.69/dozen, $4.04/1.5 dozen, SALE.

Expert tips to save money on groceries

18. Figure out which stores have the best prices on items you commonly buy.

Don’t assume you know! Take your price book along and write down regular prices, not just sales. There is a Costco in my city, but I don’t have a membership. It’s not worth it for my family.

I’ve tagged along with relatives on their shopping trips, to check out the prices. Some of them are great; others are no better than our regular grocery stores. You need to know which items you normally purchase in order to accurately judge whether membership-only stores like Costco or Sam’s Club are cost effective.

If you judge that it’s not really worth the price, but there are still a few things you would like from that store, try to find a friend or relative who has a membership. I keep a short list of items that we buy at Costco, and my sister is happy to pick up a few things for me once a month.

19. Put your blinders on.

Stick to your list. If you don’t need anything from a certain aisle, don’t go down it. Do you ever find yourself walking up and down every aisle out of habit? That may be a good way to get some exercise, but it’s not good for your wallet when you’re trying to save money on groceries!

It sounds silly, but if I’m not paying attention to my list, I’ll find myself wandering down the coffee aisle sniffing appreciatively and gazing at all the tea. (And if Stash Irish Breakfast happens to be on sale, it will end up in my cart.)

Avoid temptation by only walking down aisles if you have to. And if you know you have a weakness for something, look the other direction if you have to pass by it!

20. Take a calculator or your phone and tally up prices as you put items in your shopping cart.

I often do this at the end of the month when I have a hard cap on my grocery budget. It prevents that “Oops, I didn’t think it would cost so much,” when you get to the checkout lane. Pick out your most important items first, and come back for the “extras” if you’re not sure you will have enough money.

The hardest items to do this with are different kinds of produce, which are sold by weight. Unless you have two calculators or can do mental math better than me, just estimate.

Side note: you can add everything up in your head as you go along if you don’t have a calculator. You just might get some funny looks as you stare intently at a package of pasta before triumphantly announcing, “Twenty-nine eighty-two!” (Ask me how I know.)

21. Watch that cashier!

Cashiers are human, and humans make mistakes. I don’t know how many times I’ve looked over my receipt after a shopping trip and noticed items that should have been discounted but were not.

Most stores in my area have screens that you can watch while the cashier scans each item. Keep an eye on this, and say something if you notice an item coming up as the normal price instead of the sale price. It’s not bad manners to ask for the sale price, as long as you do it politely.

If you would really rather not confront the cashier, you can always quietly head over to Customer Service when you’re done and point out the mistake.

Conclusion

After reading this collection of tips to save money on groceries, you should be all set to head to the store and start saving money! If you find these tips helpful or have another recommendation, I would love to hear from you! Leave a comment below.

Happy saving!

~Kimberly