How does one become a homemaker?
This question too used to be simple: a girl would become a homemaker when she married, and moved out of her parents’ home to live with her husband.
These days, this route to homemaking is becoming less and less traveled, especially in developed countries. In fact, when a girl thinks of her options upon entering womanhood and the adult world, homemaking might not even be presented as an option.
How, then, do women come to be homemakers? Here are a few different scenarios:
“IT’S BEST FOR MY CHILDREN.”
Perhaps the most common reason involves children.
(I don’t know for sure if this is true; to my knowledge there haven’t been any studies on why women choose to be homemakers.)
It’s a fairly common story, or at least not yet uncommon: a man and a woman get married. They both have careers, and both plan on continuing in those careers indefinitely.
Then a baby comes along. The new mother gets three to six months of maternity leave. If she wants to continue breastfeeding when she returns to work, she might be allowed to pump in a closet.
The mother gets depressed, anxious, or both due to separation from her baby. She decides it would be better for her child and herself if she stays home to care for her baby full-time.
There are many variations to this story. Some mothers decide during their maternity leave that they can’t bear to be separated from their babies for 40+ hours a week. Others make the decision to stay home after a second or third child is born, and childcare would get too complicated.
“IT’S BEST FOR OUR MARRIAGE.”
In this scenario, children aren’t in the picture.
A man marries a woman. They both have jobs, and intend to keep them. But at some point, they realize that their work schedule is taking a toll on their relationship.
Maybe they both come home from work tired and drained after a long day. Both want to unwind and relax, so the housework piles up. Tension and stress from work make one or both parties irritable, so their interactions become negative.
Home starts to become a place of chaos instead of sanctuary. If they want to restore their relationship and bring more order to their lives, something must change.
The couple decides that the best option is for one of them to stop working and start managing their home so that it can be a pleasant place for relaxation, instead of a constant mess and a source of contention.
“I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO.”
This little girl’s dream was to be a wife and mother. Whether her own mother was a homemaker or not, she saw it as something desirable from a young age.
Maybe she went to college; maybe not. Maybe she started down a career path; maybe not. There are countless variations to this story. But whichever direction her life was going in the meantime, she had the clear goal of some day becoming a homemaker.
Some day came, and she got married and pursued her dream of creating a cozy, welcoming home for her family.
Some girls don’t become homemakers right after getting married, even if that is their dream. If their husbands don’t value homemaking, they often want their wives to “pull their weight” and provide part of the income, at least until children arrive.
“IT JUST WORKED OUT THAT WAY.”
Out of all the reasons to become a homemaker, these are the most varied and unusual. These are the women who become homemakers through no fault of their own.
Some unexpected event occurs, and the woman finds herself at home because that’s the best option at the time. It’s usually for a specific purpose that doesn’t have anything to do with homemaking.
Maybe one of her parents or children requires special care for a long period. Maybe she finds herself ill or on bedrest during a difficult pregnancy. Perhaps she is asked to take some other role which doesn’t mesh with her regular work schedule, so she leaves it.
Whatever the reason, she finds herself at home: a homemaker by default.
This is kind of a catch-all category, but the defining characteristic is that the woman ended up as a homemaker because of some other reason, which has nothing to do with homemaking itself.
MY OWN PATH
I have known women who traveled each of these paths, and some others who don’t quite fit into one specific category.
My own decision involved several different factors. When my husband and I married, we were both working. Our plan was for me to continue working until I had a baby, and then stay home to care for the baby.
Six months later and halfway through a pregnancy, we moved across the country. I didn’t see the point of starting a new job for two or three months and then quitting, so I transitioned to homemaking as soon as we moved.
Each Story is Unique
These are only a few general examples. Each woman has her own story of becoming a homemaker, and each is different. The reasons to become a homemaker are many, and they don’t even have to involve homemaking!
Some women choose homemaking specifically, for itself. Others choose it for the benefits for their families. Still others fall into it without really choosing it at all.
Among the women in the last category, some eventually do choose homemaking for itself, while others return to the workforce after their obligatory period as a homemaker is up.