Reasons to become a homemaker

February 27, 2020

What is Homemaking?

Let’s start by defining our terms. Being precise with words is important, so that we know we’re discussing the same ideas. Before we jump into reasons to become a homemaker, we should go over what homemaking means.

Merriam-Webster defines a homemaker as “one who manages a household especially as a spouse and parent.” The Oxford English Dictionary defines homemaking as “the creation and management of a home, especially as a pleasant place in which to live.”

The difference between these two definitions is subtle, but important. If you think of all homemakers as “stay-at-home moms”, as the first definition implies, then the concept of homemaking becomes blurred with parenthood.

However, if you use the second definition, you see homemaking as an occupation in its own right. Children may or may not be a part of the equation.

I prefer this definition because it is more positive, and gives homemaking more dignity.

“What difference does it really make?” you may ask. Well, which one of these sounds more appealing:

Homemaking is what stay-at-home moms do all day.

Homemaking is creating and managing an orderly, welcoming home for your family.

This clarifies the difference between the two definitions. The first sentence is passive, vague, and seems to depend on the presence of children. The second sentence is active and contains specific, measurable goals.

The first sentence makes me feel slightly embarrassed. The second sentence makes me want to be a homemaker.

Why do women choose to be homemakers?

What are the different paths that lead women to become homemakers? In developed nations, this isn’t the only option for women, and sometimes isn’t even presented as an option at all.

How then do some women come to choose this path for themselves? Let’s look at a few different examples.

“It’s best for my children.”

Perhaps the most common reason involves children.

(I don’t know for sure if this is true; to my knowledge there haven’t been any studies on why women choose to be homemakers.)

It’s a fairly common story, or at least not yet uncommon: a man and a woman get married. They both have careers, and both plan on continuing in those careers indefinitely.

Then a baby comes along. The new mother gets three to six months of maternity leave. If she wants to continue breastfeeding when she returns to work, she might be allowed to pump in a closet.

The mother gets depressed, anxious, or both due to separation from her baby. She decides it would be better for her child and herself if she stays home to care for her baby full-time.

There are many variations to this story. Some mothers decide during their maternity leave that they can’t bear to be separated from their babies for 40+ hours a week. Others make the decision to stay home after a second or third child is born, and childcare would get too complicated.

“It’s best for our marriage.”

In this scenario, children aren’t in the picture.

A man marries a woman. They both have jobs, and intend to keep them. But at some point, they realize that their work schedule is taking a toll on their relationship.

Maybe they both come home from work tired and drained after a long day. Both want to unwind and relax, so the housework piles up. Tension and stress from work make one or both parties irritable, so their interactions become negative.

Home starts to become a place of chaos instead of sanctuary. If they want to restore their relationship and bring more order to their lives, something must change.

The couple decides that the best option is for one of them to stop working and start managing their home so that it can be a pleasant place for relaxation, instead of a constant mess and a source of contention.

“I’ve always wanted to.”

This little girl’s dream was to be a wife and mother. Whether her own mother was a homemaker or not, she saw it as something desirable from a young age.

Maybe she went to college; maybe not. Maybe she started down a career path; maybe not. There are countless variations to this story. But whichever direction her life was going in the meantime, she had the clear goal of some day becoming a homemaker.

Some day came, and she got married and pursued her dream of creating a cozy, welcoming home for her family.

Some girls don’t become homemakers right after getting married, even if that is their dream. If their husbands don’t value homemaking, they often want their wives to “pull their weight” and provide part of the income, at least until children arrive.

“It just worked out that way.”

Out of all the reasons to become a homemaker, these are the most varied and unusual. These are the women who become homemakers through no fault of their own.

Some unexpected event occurs, and the woman finds herself at home because that’s the best option at the time. It’s usually for a specific purpose that doesn’t have anything to do with homemaking.

Maybe one of her parents or children requires special care for a long period. Maybe she finds herself ill or on bedrest during a difficult pregnancy. Perhaps she is asked to take some other role which doesn’t mesh with her regular work schedule, so she leaves it.

Whatever the reason, she finds herself at home: a homemaker by default.

This is kind of a catch-all category, but the defining characteristic is that the woman ended up as a homemaker because of some other reason, which has nothing to do with homemaking itself.

My own path

I have known women who traveled each of these paths, and some others who don’t quite fit into one specific category.

My own decision involved several different factors. When my husband and I married, we were both working. Our plan was for me to continue working until I had a baby, and then stay home to care for the baby.

Six months later and halfway through a pregnancy, we moved across the country. I didn’t see the point of starting a new job for two or three months and then quitting, so I transitioned to homemaking as soon as we moved.

Many paths, one destination

So now we have four main paths that arrive at homemaking. As we have seen with my own example, there are many variations to these paths: probably as many variations as there are women who travel them.

Looking at the paths, we can see some patterns. The reasons to become a homemaker are many, and they don’t even have to involve homemaking!

Some women choose homemaking specifically, for itself. Others choose it for the benefit to their families. Still others fall into it without really choosing it at all.

Among the women in the last category, some eventually do choose homemaking for itself. Others return to the workforce after their obligatory period as a homemaker is up.

The heart of homemaking

Why do some stay? What is it about homemaking that appeals to women?Let’s go back to the dictionary. “The creation and management of a home” sounds like an exciting challenge to me.

And it is. It’s everything from decorating and arranging furniture, cleaning and organizing, procuring and preparing food, to setting up systems and running an entire household.

Homemaking is all this and more. Especially more. The heart of homemaking is creating a home for your family. It is a continuing work of love and creativity.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t days when your job seems boring or stifling. You’ll have those days. But any job can get boring. The remedy for this boredom is to put your heart back into your work; and that’s where homemaking really shines.

Any job can indirectly benefit your family by providing income that satisfies your physical needs. The work of homemaking directly benefits your family by making your home a pleasant place to live.

If every task you performed at work could directly impact your family, wouldn’t your job seem much more important?

This is what makes homemaking so fulfilling. It’s why some women choose to continue in their roles as homemakers after the immediate necessity has passed. It’s what inspires others to see homemaking as the ultimate career.

Although there are many reasons to become a homemaker, they all eventually lead to this central goal of creating a home for your family. Loving and caring for your family is the ultimate purpose, the heart, of homemaking.

~ Kimberly

If you liked this article, check out The Purpose of Homemaking and The Disappearing Art of Homemaking.